Pebbles...

A new beginning calls for a new page.

2011-03-02T05:29:00.000-08:00

This blog is not longer in function.
And a new page has begun...

Recollection

2010-12-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

The day began as any other day would...but little did I know that an accident was about to happen, in which would change my perspective on driving entirely...

All I could see was the corner (junction) from which the cars were turning. There was no view on the cars that had already turned the corner thanks to all the illegally parked cars on the street after the junction. I edged out after seeing no turning cars at the corner, anticipating that there were no cars already on the street... so i went for it... and it all happened so fast that I could barely remember what I saw or what happened. All I know was that, one moment the car wasn't there and the next moment it appeared right in front of my drivers seat window. I saw the car coming at me and yet my feet were helplessly frozen between the breaks and the accelerator, not knowing which one to step onto... so in the end i hit the breaks because it happened automatically... but looking back on it, if i hadn't hit those breaks, the car wouldn't have hit my side on so badly.

Each time i think about the incident in an attempt to recollect what happened step by step, my mind cringes at every thought, leaving me tired and drained after 10 minutes of trying to remember what exactly happened and how the car actually hit mine.

5 seconds and thats all it took for my memory to be scarred... those 5 seconds of memory haunts me when i close my eyes, because all i can remember is the car coming at me and not stopping and then the loud bang against my door, with just a car door between me, my seat and the car.

2010-11-06T04:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you feel like you want to run away

From the rain and the blue skies that turn to grey

And there’s no turning back

So how will he react when you’re gone

It’s like living on two separate worlds at the same time

With all communications online

So let me turn off your satellite, he’s not there

If you’re looking for superman, i’m your superman

Lyrics that come to life especially when those words nail what you really feel.

Anyways today was rather draining, but on the upside I did get to see a few dear friends whom i havent seen in quite sometime. =D it was not a productive day at the library but a good one because of the company i had! And coming home to see and old friend made the day complete =D

The feeling of rekindled friendship is awesome.

thats all for now ! time to dive into the world of financial accounting =D and continue chatting on skype =D

2010-11-05T07:19:00.001-07:00

Its 1.05 am and i really should be sleeping, but the thought of falling into another deep sleep is scary because of the nightmares that i've been having lately. What is it with nightmares that come back time and time again to haunt me? Just when I thought i've gotten rid of them... they creep back into my mind and take away my good sleep that i'm currently in desperate need off. =[

Anyway tomorrow is a big day for 8 Harcourt street. Mum is holding a big English-styled High Tea Party, with white tea sets, white laced table cloths, a wide spread of various delicate cakes and tarts, 3 tier plates full of classy sandwiches and last but not least 20 over guests dressed up: Ladies in dresses and Men in Smart look.

Sooo exciting =D Maybe thats why i can't sleep ! Anyhhoo I'm going to try and get some sleep now so tomorrow i don't end up looking like a walking corpse with panda eyes =___=

Nights S2

2010-11-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

Sooo exciting =D Maybe thats why i can't sleep ! Anyhhoo I'm going to try and get some sleep now so tomorrow i don't end up looking like a walking corpse with panda eyes =___=

Nights =D

Thats the last straw.

2010-11-02T04:30:00.000-07:00

I wanted to tell you all of this, but you weren't there when i called... so i guess i had to blog it out instead:

Ever felt like it wouldn't make a difference whether you were present or not...?

...The place i live in is called a house, not a home,
3 family members, but not a family,
1 sibling, but not a sister,
2 parents, half a father and half a mother...

It felt that way and it hurt that it really didn't matter whether i was sitting there at the dinner table or not...

It felt as if everytime i asked a question, it would be ignored...
E.g. 1
Me: Whats the weather tomorrow dad ?
(before dad says anything)
SIster: *asks another unrelated question*
Dad: *answers sister*...
Me: Dad, i asked what was the weather tmr like?
Dad: *still ignores me n continues conversing with sister*

E.g.2
Me: *where can i buy this?*
Mum: oh you can buy it at
Sister: *cuts in and asks another completely random question
Mum: *completely forgets about answering my qs and starts talking to sister*

Did it really matter that i was still there and that i was half way through getting an answer? Even though it wasn't an important question... it still mattered... especially when that is the "half answer" that i get every single damn time that i try to make a conversation with my parents.

Maybe you're right, maybe i'm a runner because i'd rather not come home and avoid everything at home... But all of this would not have happened if she had treasured this relationship just a little more than trampling all over it.

Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that the words that come out of my mouth are less important or have less value than hers....
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that my every minute is less important than hers...
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that all the initiation and respect has to come from me first...

I've ALWAYS been the one to say sorry and say it first, irregardless of who is right or wrong, but it doesn't mean that i should still be the one who gives in... now whatsoever happened to the old adage that "older siblings should give in to younger silblings"... ? yeh right...
Just because I've given the unconditional respect for the last 18 years doesn't mean that i should still keep doing it, and don't ask for any respect in return...

Since young, i'd always thought that if i did more for you and did whatever you asked of me, you would like me just that little bit more and would do for me the things that i see other older siblings do for their younger siblings... i.e. take them out willingly, or hold their hand when they cross the road willingly...

But i grew up hoping and wishing for something that was quite the impossible, and i've come to acknowledge that, so it's ok...But the least you could give me is some respect and some pride...
You have your pride and so do I, you can't expect me to give in to my older sibling all the time...

Never again will i fork out such unconditional respect and love for someone who will ruthlessly trample upon it and take it forgranted... too long i've held on to that respect and too long have i given in to you...

I hate her self-centeredness and that ego that disallows the people around her to have their pride.
I hate this home.

I had plans....

2010-10-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

So after coming home from the Law library, I planned to finish off my marketing notes and basically tank it through the night... seeing as it took me about a good 4 hours to only do half of the whole book =[

Yep... I had "plans"... Plans to study which failed massively *SIGH*

I should really study more ? LOL funny because it sounds so familiar, since i've probably said this same sentence a MILLION times over, over the last 7 weeks and DESPITE having said it SO MANY TIMES... sad truth is I still haven't put it to "action" yet =S Yep, I'm starting to get worried that I don't even feel that stressed ( as I OUGHT to feel because since young i've always stressed hard core the 2 MONTHS before exams) .. yet... n its ALREADY only 5 days left !!! ARGH something is seriously wrong with my brain or my nerves... because both don't seem to be functioning normally ='[ HELP MEEEE

THIS IS INSANITY -

The ''bad news''

2010-10-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

Lets see... where should i begin?

Today's weather was perfectly fine and the sunshine simply made the world look like a rainbow in many ways... but all of that only ended up turning into black and white when I received "the news" that made one of my little imaginary snow globes shatter into a million pieces...

Everyone has a snow globe... something that we imagine to have control over or something sweet and child like that we dream of very so often... something that captures what our hearts really desire (whether be it in the Long run or the short run)... it's that one constant thing that keeps us driven to soldier through the crazy moments in life...

So this was my snow globe for the last few months.... I had imagined myself spending countless hours on end with that someone special... we did many things together e.g. go to the beach, sit by the colourfully lited up river banks and breathing the warm damp air of singapore, or even just watching a movie together and feeling good about it because it was so damn cheap compared to aus's prices... and not to forget, the classic scene of watching the sunset together on his balcony of the high rise apartment (which i presume, would have a rather scenic view, given that it is high rise and all)

So the snow globe was all polished and nice untill jsut about mid way through the day when he called to tell me that it was 98% not going to happen... simply because the stupid military decided to ship his black ass off to friggin BRUNEI? I mean ... seriously? like... FOR REAL? FRIGGIN HELL.... how shit can this news possibly make me feel?

Just the feeling of being so frustrated, angry and sore about it, topped off with being completely incapable of doing anything to make the situation change for the better, just makes one feel so.... INSIGNIFICANT .
It's as if your life is simply up to some external over powering figure that pulls the strings in your life - So if he decides to make life difficult, he can just do so...
UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR .... no other word could possibly replace this word in my head right this moment. JUST ARGGHHH stop controlling my life! It feels like whatever I want is never going to happen because you'll just end up taking it away from me anyway!

Sigh... what can one do though, when that external over-power figure is a whole government with a million rules and regulations and not mention punishments for any criminal acts (that had crossed my mind in anger) that i could possibly commit to make a stand against this crazy black suited men (women if any) !

--------------------------------

Shifting away from the anger, today i discovered something really intruiging - known as : ''The cube''. A concept that bamboozled me at the start, seeing how accurate and true it was, when he was analyzing my inner thoughts and emotions. Crazy as it seems, it felt like a mirror was put infront of you to reflect your subconscious mind and ideas that no one has ever seen before.
So Out of it all, i've learnt one thing, thats for sure... It is that the CUBE cannot be explained over here for it must be experienced to give the cube's theory the deserved complexity and value within. i suggest... GOOGLE it? (only because I'm asian) but thats pretty much as much as i can say on this emotionaless diary.

However, its about 12.02 atm so i guess it's time for me to go to bed and sleep on the thought of having a whole day of study ahead waiting for me to get out of the way (if i even end up doing it)... though chances seem slim because of the great 26degree weather that tmr is going to be!

Anyways, laters for now ..

A house made of wood and beams...

2010-10-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

I attend a university course to get good grades so I can make you proud.

I try my best to make use of every second so I can gain your love.

I juggle 2 jobs so that "my 1 minute" will not seem so incomparable and insignificant in terms of importance, relative to yours or her 1 minute.

I read the books that you tell me to, so that you will credit me with some knowledge and intelligence when I speak.

I apply for everything and anything prestigious so I can gain some respect.

I try to make it up to her standards, so that you don't think of me as stupid and incapable.

I do the household chores, hoping that you may treat me nicer with some gratitude.

And then I wonder... why should I even bother to please you so much, when all i get is ... wait a minute... nothing really. More love? -No way. Respect?-Still none more than before. Valued?-Definitely not anymore than the lowest in the family. So why should i bother.

Just because she waters the gardens and tells you all about her efforts, she gets recognized for doing something so small. And for me? I get "disappointment" as the word assigned to me for not completing ALL the household chores to a 100%. Well guess what, thanks for showing me the meaning of "being utterly biased", I couldn't have found a better way of understanding these words, than truly experiencing it for myself today.

I may have wanted your love and your respect and some sort of perceived value in your eyes when you look at me, but hey guess what? I was wrong in even hoping that you would see all that I've done. I was wrong to want to live up to your expectations because there is no end to it. I was wrong thinking that I was special in my own little way in your eyes, but i guess not. To be honest, I guess i knew it all along, but today i simply registered and accepted the fact of the matter and hence this is the last time I'm going to feel so hurt and despised because of your harsh words. It hurts now more than ever but at least after today, it will never happen again for me because you're not even worth it.

We may be blood related, but that is all that's left between us.

Come the day that I find a way out of this shitty hole, which means nothing more to me than a house made of carpeted wood and beams, trust me I will walk out without a second of hesitation and won't even look back.

48 Hours, 2 boxes of tissues and a ga-billion sneezes

2010-10-02T18:25:00.000-07:00

If i had one wish in the world right now, it is that hopefully in another 48 hours before i die of breathlessness, my nose will clear and so will the rest of the organs in my respiratory system. Times like this i pray for a mint that is strong enough to blast through all that congestion in my head and refreshen my mind so i can go out and play and enjoy the big bright yellow radiator of vitamin E....

But for now... Peri Peri Strips and buffalo wings is what I've been reduced to. Over the last 2 weeks, i've reached a whole new low with food, using only frozen food that bakes in the oven and/or ice cream to give me a brain freeze. Those two were as far as my survival skills would take me.
And where, may i ask, have all my previous ridiculous cravings disappeared to? Nowhere is the answer. I have attributed this loss to my laziness and my inability to whip up something that i actually want to eat and crave because most of the time the things i crave have recipes that are insanely complex to cook. Another factor contributing to my loss of sweet cravings, i reckon would be my age 0.0, which i don't know if its a good thing but hopefully it is. Because then i will reduce the chances of cavities and whatever other diseases that children of this era are commonly diagnosed with... right? *shifty look*

Anyway to be honest, I can't really remember the last time i could properly breathe through my nose without having to hyperventilate like there is no tomorrow. Its' been 48 hours, 2 boxes of tissues and a ga-billion sneezes and the congestion is just getting worse by the second and seriously I'm just about going to give up breathing if the bloody flu medicine doesn't start making my life easier. What's worse is, today's weather is absolutely perfect for a day out in the sun! - but... guess what... not for me though, since i'll be stuck at home with a congested nose, blocked ears, teary eyes and a temperature. FML

Sick but with peace

2010-10-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

At about 2pm in the afternoon i woke up to hear an inconsistent heavy breathing, which i realized were my own. In addition to that, the lips were left dried and cracking, nose completely blocked and ears semi blocked - it felt as if my head weighed a tonne. Did it really? So just to check i placed my hands over my forehead and realized it was burning up! Lovely isn't it? Waking up mid way through a perfectly weathered spring like day with a fever isn't really the ideal way to spend the 2nd last day of one's "mid sem" break- which really only lasted 7 miserable days.

Anyway so the day went on as usual and so i stumbled along as usual, following with whatever came my way.

But i shall not bore you with the day's activities, just because something else greater happened today that I feel the need to share.

An unfamiliar mail from an unfamiliar email account popped up in my inbox today. Truth is, I thought it was just another prank email, given the fact that there had been so many recently. As i would have normally done, the moment that registered in my brain, my cursor hovered above the delete sign, ready to press X. But curiosity got the better of me and I decided, why the hell not? Let's just see what kind of prank emails viruses work with today...

Turns out it was not a prank, and thank god i opened it ! =P So if you're reading this, I just wanted to say Thank you old friend. Your care, love, concern and thoughts has come knocking on my door at the perfect time, almost like god had used you to show me something that I've been waiting to feel and see after having lost that spirit for so long. Hard to explain, but bottom line is: thank you so much for your long but truly heart warming message. I will keep in mind these verses and bring them around with me when i tackle my crazy Asian lifestyle. Thanks buddy ! =P <3

Anyways time to go to sleep, its 3.29 am, I'm still sick and unfortunately still breathing..... through my mouth =____= But hopefully when the sun shines tomorrow with a 25degree weather, my nose will decide to be kinder and let me breathe in the smell of fresh spring-like flower scented air that refreshes the mind.

Dating the telephone

2010-09-30T08:58:00.000-07:00

The worst feeling ever is to feel like you're in a relationship with someone who is just a figment of your imagination and is gradually fading away in the distance. All of this is torture and more, when one eventually finds himself / herself basing an entire relationship, which once felt so real, on a thin curly black wire called the telephone line, which sometimes doesn't even work very well over the 100000000km of deep international waters. During the short minutes of chatting over phone, how much can be exchanged? And once the call ends and the voices stop crossing the waters through these wires, then there is nothing left but an image of the person in your head and the things they've said or done with u in the past ~ the memories.

So what will one do to make it last? Can it last? Will it last? Will an ancient imprint of that partner and a thin black wire be enough to suffice the whole triangle of the emotional, physical and spiritual sides of any relationship at all?

Well truth is, one will never know, for every individual is unique in their own way and have special approaches in loving someone. Hence there is no one outcome to such relationships... or so i guess?.....and so i wish...

Maybe wishing that this will be different to the usual outcome that these international dividers and deep blue oceans give rise to.

However, the point at which one finds him/herself calling, talking and holding onto the telephone more than he/she is calling, talking and holding onto the person that they are supposedly "dating", is the point of insanity in a relationship - And that's pretty much, dating a telephone line in a nutshell for you.

The suburban home...

2010-09-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

On a quiet, gloomy day in a modern looking suburban house, there was me and the dog.

Slouching in my couch thinking of the many worries of life, i stumbled upon the one that i'm simply too unsure off - Distance and loneliness it brings, even more so, when the person you love is thousands of km away in a foreign land, distance becomes a nightmare, maybe even an extended one.

Be it a family member, boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend, wherever in the world they maybe, the distance between you and them cannot be made any more real by the ticking of the clock and silence that surrounds you, once you're left alone. And I've found that this emptiness simply cannot be filled with any amount of cute soft toys, calls, messages, letters or flowers no matter how hard one tries to deceive oneself into thinking so foolishly. The presence of that special one, is all that is needed to make things whole again, yet sometimes it is not your will that life allows to unfold, but the will of totalitarian governments and a loved one who is trapped within its nets.

Walking into a house with people in it, feels like home, but walking into a house with no one but cold air feels like a cage. Desperate needs call for desperate measures hence, my unwillingness to come home to a cold house made of wood and beams, with a pile of dishes stacked up in the sink and pots and pans waiting for me to clean. Simply not the home i wished for. Working 2-3 jobs is hell of a lot for a normal person with a warm home to go back to, but not alot for someone who has nothing to go back to.

The most empty point is when everyone leaves for a good reason, so you can't ever get angry or blame them for leaving you behind, yet when silence kicks in and all you want to do is find someone to blame and someone to hold, there is no one there for you, but yourself -

Just another quiet rainy day in the eastern suburbs around melbourne...

2010-09-01T04:15:00.000-07:00

Pray - True Vibe

"Thinking through

What to do

You're searching every angle and point of view
Good advice, well rehearsed
Only seems to make matters worse
When you're at a dead end
Where do you go?
My friend, there's an answer I know

Pray, when the road is steep

Pray, when you're hope gets weak

Know the Father hears through

The silence and the tears you

Pray, when you don't know how

Pray, heaven's waiting now

And Jesus is just a breath away

Pray

The deepest sighs

Of the heart

Sometimes it's a struggle when we first start

To wrap our needs up in words

And trust that somehow we will be heard

Draw near, and know you are loved

God hears, and his heart is touched

Pray for the strength you're needin'

ICICLES

2010-08-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

Waking up to a cold morning with foggy windows and heavy dews, it felt as if winter was never going to end. The constant rain and lack of sunshine is always there to dampen one's mood and bring a wave of lethargy. There was no escaping, it was another icy cold windy day and it was time to get down to doing the things i had to do for the day:

- drag myself to campus

- and study like crazy for a mid sem test that i had basically no clue of what was going to be tested on - simply because i left it to the last minute to find out? Oh well, at least i tried to study for it the couple of hours before the test =D (but this was just cramping, i had actually already done my preparation constantly throughout past few weeks of the semester =P )

-come home, stuff my face with hot food and die in bed ! ~ oh heaven~

Eventually the day came to an end as i drove into the garage door, packed my books into my already bursting hand bag and dragged the heavy weight out of the car and into my room. The night was even windier and colder than the weather that the morning ice had delivered. It was too cold. Winter's been way too long this time round =[

So by the time i got home, my brains were fried scallops and my fingers were frozen icicles that could drop of any moment though it was lucky for me that I came home to a bowl of hot double boiled soup with veggies and soft broiled duck meat =P a perfect closure to the icy wintery day~

song of the day

2010-07-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

I don't want your lonely mansion with a tear in every room

All I want's the love you promised beneath the haloed moon
But you think I should be happy with your money and your name
And hide myself in sorrow while you play your cheating game

Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine
And I dare not drown my sorrow in the warm glow of your wine
You can't buy my love with money cause I never was that kind
Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine

Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine
And I dare not drown my sorrow in the warm glow of your wine
You can't buy my love with money cause I never was that kind
Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine

Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine

Just waiting on your letter...

Feels like this ..

2010-07-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

Stones, heavy like the love you've shown

Solid as the ground we've known

And I just wanna carry on

We took it from the bottom up

And even in a desert storm

Sturdy as a rock we hold

Wishing every moment froze

Now I just wanna let you know...

Earthquakes can't shake us

Cyclones can't break us

Hurricanes can't take away our love...

Still sore?

2010-07-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

Ever felt like you were constantly being targeted by someone?
Ever wondered what you did wrong to even deserve this?

Well truth is, Its nothing you did. And its not you, its them.

Right now, there is nothing i want more than just a proper, non-screaming explanation from you, telling me something other than " Bull shit" "stop arguing with me". Seriously - be more creative than just those two phrases because I'm pretty sure that you have more than those two in your range of vocab -

Disrespect. Completely over this.

Immature feelings, turn into immature actions which sometimes, just sometimes causes hurt to those around. And so happens, he did it to me. I can't forget it and neither will i ever try to forget. What you did cannot be reversed and so please just leave me alone from now. I don't want anything to do with your screaming and unreasonable fits. Please just go for now...

---------------------------------

I miss you monkey... It's getting cold over here.. right now i just wish i could hug on to you for some comfort and warmth. The loneliness is kicking already...

Fish porridge

2010-07-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

A bowl of fish porridge turned into a lunch disaster...

It was lunch at our usual spot, down at one of the little Cantonese restaurants in Donny east. I drove there thinking that it would be good because it was one of our last few lunches together before their departure to a foreign land. I drove there appreciating each and every moment with my complete family and the topics we talked about. Suddenly, my sister brought up a change in the plans of where to eat and decided that we would go to the restaurant next door to our initial plans, for their roast pork and accordingly "better" fish porridge. Seating at the front seat of the car, my dad cringed his face at the change of plans and had already began to sound unhappy, asking: "why is the fish porridge there better?" with a tone of challenge.... And little did i know that this tiny issue would turn into the source of ignition to my disastrous lunch. As my sister argued her point, which seemed almost too valid to beat down, dad was left with no place to retreat, but simply to accept the change of plans. He quietly sulked in the front seat and only occasionally did he contribute to any conversation in the car. Minutes later, i realized that we had forgotten to put up my L plate in the front window so i asked him nicely to put it up for me and before i knew it, he had risen his voice and was scolding me for every little thing possible that he could pick up on.
Dad: "I told you to put it up before we left! Why didn't you?"
I softly squeezed in a sentence saying: " ok, well can't you just do it for me, since your in the front seat?"
Dad: " Stop arguing and don't bullshit! I'm not responsible for putting it up for you! you do it yourself!"

In my mind i was wondering 'what the hell is he on about?' Did i say something wrong? or was he just in a bad mood because of the bloody fish porridge plans being changed?

Anyway i kept quiet the whole way to the restaurant, parked the car and left it at that
10 minutes later, we stepped into the restaurant, took a seat and began to discuss the dishes of our choice.
15 minutes later, we still hadn't ordered so I made a passing remark that would sentence me to hell for the next 1 hour. I casually said: "Can we order now coz I have tuition at 2pm and i want to be back on time for it"

Dad: " You always have to rush! I hate rushing! You're always the ONLY one who rushes us during family meals. You're saying we waste your time having lunch!?"
( btw i wasn't the only one, he always made us rush for his GOLF appointments... it was just friggin golf >=| )

Me: " No!" i began to explain myself "that's not what i meant !!! All i meant was that could we order now because the food will take sometime to come and I am also very hungry! and just letting you guys know that i have tuition at 2pm!"

Dad: "SHUT UP! Stop arguing with me! You always waste time on all those STUPID things like msn and watching your STUPID tv and videos! And then when we come out for lunch you say we're wasting your time!? "

Me: "I already said that that is not what i meant !!!!!! I just wanted to order quickly so we can get our food coz..."

Dad: "SHUT UP!"

It echoed all throughout the tiny restaurant which was the size of my room and everyone was listening in on the conversation now. I was stuck with nowhere to go but face it and shut up to his unreasonableness and swallow it.

EMBARRASSMENT, SHAME AND HURT WAS all I felt.

I had nowhere to hide and my eyes watered like crazy. I hated him! I hated the way he embarrassed me in public and screamed at me for something that wasn't even the source of his anger! All he wanted was his bloody fuckin fish porridge and all that mattered to him was that he got his way in everything. All that mattered to him was that he won in every argument, completely disregarding the words he had to use and the depth and kind of hurt he had caused others.

For the next 40 minutes, life was torture, eating was like swallowing the most bitter food I've ever tasted in my life. It was absolute torture. Finally, the 40 minutes of hell came to an end when we.. actually "they" finished their lunch (since i hadn't eaten anything much from the table of delicious dishes that would usually leave me full and happy) I quickly made my way out of the restaurant and told myself I am never going to go back there again.

We got in the car and this time mum drove. On the way my student msg-ed me to tell me that she wanted the tuition at box hill. The only problem was I was completely bounded to my parents or sister as they were my only means of transport to box hill library, given the short 20mins that i was left to work with. We msg-ed each other, back and forth and finally came to the conclusion that tuition would be cancelled for the day as none of us had a form of transport. At that point we had just drove up into the drive way of our house. I contemplated if it was best to stay silent or to let mum know that my student had cancelled the session. I decided to be a smart arse and said it anyway. Once again, being honest lead to no good. After i notified them about the cancellation, Dad raged at me once again taking the opportunity to unreasonably dispose off his displeasures and whatever anger was left over in him from the lunch, at me.
Dad: "WHY DID U MENTION IT ONLY WHEN WE GOT HOME!?!?"
Feeling like i had to explain myself, i went ahead and said so: " She JUST cancelled it JUST only and so i tell immediately when she cancels it! what do you want me to do!!!" - WHICH was of course the TRUTH!
Dad: " BULLSHIT! STOP ARGUING AND SHUTTUP!"

once again he used those words at me when he had no reason left to scold me for. "bullshit" "stop arguing" "Shuttup". Those are the words that hurt me once and will no longer hurt me again. I told myself from that moment on that I'm sick of his immature bullshit and sick of being a lamb for his anger management issues and his pride.

All of this for a stupid Fish porridge, that wasn't even worth my hurt and my shame and my embarrassment and worse- it was in public.

So tired and so sick of everything. Just want to get away....

Just what i wanted....

2010-07-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

I got the job at kumon =D WHEEEEE im starting on monday =D how awesomeeee! Its good that im at least taking my first step to starting with my savings for the mid year trip !!!

I stood there in the middle of the busy streets thinking, what will it take for me to get there? What will it take? I stared at the tall corporate buildings before me and tried to picture myself looking down on the streets of the CBD from the top floor, that i imagined was the place where the senior positions had offices and where i imagined I would belong. The corporate suits, the smart look and the busy and stressed faces was what i wanted. I wanted to feel like I was pressed for time, like i was part of the working rush. I wanted to feel like I was busy all the time and never had time for myself. My thoughts went on and on, thinking to myself what i needed to do to land myself in a corporate suit, in a decent job! I just needed to be surrounded by people, things or at least things to do, datelines and workloads so as to avoid the feeling of being misplaced and the feeling of loneliness.
Before i knew it, loneliness had quietly crept its way inside me, which made me even colder with the already icy strong winds. I realized that I was really all by myself, without my other half to lean on and without anyone to just talk rubbish to. It was scary and chilly and at that moment, i wanted nothing more than to cuddle into the arms of a familiar someone, who had previously always been there for me.

Wherever i go, Whatever i do... I can't seem to think of anything else but you.

2010-07-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

LOL RIPPED MUCH?!!!! ZOMG... NO WONDER THEY ASKED HIM TO MODEL FOR THEM! DAYUMM THOSE PROTEIN SHAKES!

Blisters are lovely n i need new sports shoes / soccer shoes would be nice....

2010-07-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

When in to the city for an interview which left me depressed to the point that i craved ice cream. It barely lasted more than 4 mins... Could i have been that bad?? Or was it really the truth that they were ONLY looking for a full time worker? I'd like to believe so i guess.... Anyway i dressed up went there and came back with nothing but a fall on the ground. Then i went to ben wong's house and had some instant noodles because i was so friggin hungry that i could faint -.- and watched dan eat and sip at the chilli soup infront of him. It was a funny sight though. Dan coles eating SHIM RAM YUN noodles hahaha !!! Looks like someone is getting into korean stuff... i.e. girls*cough* maybe?

After which we headed out to the park for some INTENSE soccer!!!! Damn it ben HENG =.= i should've never said a word about beating u!! You know... these guys they trained me so hard that i ended up picking up not one, not two but ALLLLL of the balls that they kicked to the FARRR (VERY FAR) ends of the friggin OVAL (which is like friggin BIG) =.="" on top of all the "drills" that they assigned to me !!! ... n man that torturing session lasted 2 hours !!! I'm totally going to be sick for the next 2 weeks ( i alrdy feel it in my body) when they need to train LOL.

I have blisters =[ on the bottom of my feet coz of my shitty shoes n the hard training !!! ='[ they hurttt.... n now i am walking like a crab coz of them!!! 2 on each foot! lovely isnt it?? OUCH =[
note to self*: I NEED NEW SHOES, nice pink soccer boots could do !

Anyway I'm not gonna give up though! i'll beat you regardless >=] n they said i trained pretty well today! so it should be ALL good! LOLOL p.s. guess what phungy's no. 1 rule is (he calls himself the master) ANyway... his no.1 rule is "never rage at the master"! well i kinda raged quit for abit coz i wasn't getting a hang of things LOl but i picked it back up n kept going ! im so proud of myself u wont believe it =.=""" i endured the 2 hours and survived ! =D

Well thats all for today... i will be back tmr with more to say and hopefully less of those LOVELY blisters...

Oh n im going back to kumon to work =.=" coz i've given up looking for jobs ... n its the only job that suits my time !!! starts just after uni and finishes before 7 ! (the curfew my mum put on me)

i miss you heaps and hope that you're thinking of me too. <3

When the skies turn grey

2010-07-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

The sun's light hid beneath the clouds as the skies turned from bright blue to white grey. The air around me felt heavy and my eyes sore from the roughness of the tissues that constantly dried them for me, over the last few nights. Finally, it was time. The last hug was all that was needed, no words, just mixed emotions. Fatigue, sadness and fear crept slowly into my bones and left me cold. We hugged on tightly in a pack, shoulder to shoulder, head to head and arm to arm, taking in every millisecond left with him. At that moment I felt warmth and love and comfort. I couldn't help but think was this the end of it all? The last group gathering we would have? The last time we would huddle up as a tight knitted pack? It was all too short, too fast and ended too quick. I wanted to hold on, but it was too embarrassing and i couldn't delay him any longer. He had to go, so i pushed away and let him go. My heart started to cringed and it really got to me. It hurt... more and more the further away he drove and soon his car disappeared around the corner of what seemed like such a short street....

I dropped my head and shut my eyes, wishing it was just a dream...

Overloading

2010-06-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

ACCOUNTING . BUS LAW. MCRO. MANAGEMENT.

-FML-

It seems like year 12 all over again, only this time i've really stepped into the shoes of that typical cbs kid sitting at the back of every class not uttering a single word of knowledge throughout classes. The kid who goes on a limb and improvises on everything, studies just before the sac and scrapes through with mild satisfaction and a cannot careless attitude. Well actually the only diff is, i don't noe if i'm ever gonna scrap through this hurdle. It is clear to me that i may have overestimated my own abilities, mentally i mean...I guess the situation i'm in right now leaves me in... one word - deepshit......yeps no better word to describe it.

But anyways, today was kinda nice, just being able to talk to lina one on one and busing the 1.5 hour trip back home with her. Guess her presence made it worth the while. It is like a reconciliation only at a very deep level. It's the kind of friendship that you would pay a million bucks to have, no.. actually maybe more than that. I'm sincerely and genuinely thankful for her and her awesomeness =] really thankful.

So after the bus ride, i got home and for some reason, i was not hungry at all.. not like i usually would be after a long day of study. Uni was tiring, studying was draining and surprisingly my appetite followed suit. I had no urge to stuff my face at all... I'm guessing maybe it's the sudden overload, or maybe its just that im growing older and no longer have that capacity to stuff a cow down my tummy... in other words you could say that it is almost analogous to putting your all time favorite hobby right in front of yourself ( in my case.. eating) and yet no feelings (in this case hunger) are aroused. Oh sighs*

Alright, gtg sleep. Nites!

Dearest polar bear, I don't know what's happening to me but its making me go insane. lotsa love xc.

A Revelation...

2010-06-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

Here it is. Smack bam. Starring at me right in the face all this while and i never thought of it!
For the last 5 months i though that i knew exactly why living so many miles apart made me worried sick, and yet today the truth hit me... the real reason i didn't want him to go was because he was my support. I made him everything i had to lean on before i could even say no to it. And, sure part of the contributing factors may be with regards to some trust issues and all that finding someone else kind of stuff, but really, the truth of it all boils down to the fact that i'm losing my pillar and it is irreplaceable given such short notice. Ok maybe not short since i knew this would happen from a year ago.. but still time goes by so swiftly that in the midst of this roller coaster, one does not have the time to stop and think where he/she is headed next. Do we?
Perhaps since I've mentioned the "trust issues"; i might as well just point out a few things that i have learnt... Sometimes, a relationship may be only as wobbly as you think it is.. and only ever as untrustworthy as you think it is / can be. And why may this be the case? Well the truth is, when you think that he can cheat on you, means you'll think of all ways that he might do so! Fact is, any girl would be able to think of 1000000000 ways that a guy could betray her, for some not so often, but for others maybe on every other minute, one of these thoughts would just gently creep into the brain and the heart and shake every single thing you once thought you knew. How is it that we girls let such creepy thoughts slip into us ? I guess that it is probably the female instincts that leaves a hole for such thoughts to come through, and so being unable to stop it, the only way left is to get rid of it. Its tormenting and draining but it's face-able. A deep breathe, a few cups of tea and a nice box of branded chocolate, in bed, covered with a cashmere snowy white blanket would do the temporary trick. Note - It is only temporary, as for permanent solutions, i've not yet found one. But this works well enough for me at the moment. So untill a need for a permanent medicine to this bitter taste comes up, i shall stick to what i've figured out.
So here it is... the revelation to why most girls can't stop thinking nonsense ( btw this is not applicable to those who can say that they trust their dates a 100% - because these people must be angels to be so perfect.)

I need a cup of tea and my polar bear with you next to me...

Tiny Teddies =P

2010-06-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

Just another fantasy:

I'm sitting at my comp and staring into blank space, just wondering what it would be like if i lived in a world of tiny teddies and polar bears, with snowflakes all around. And right in the middle of that perfect scene would be my house made of cookies and cream ice cream standing alone in the blistering cold weather and a warm chocolate fountain as my fire place and heater. HMMMMMMMM how i wish it could be real =]

Anyway back into reality, I'm currently up to chapter 7 (with 5 more chapters to go) in my mission to finish LEARNING not even revising (lol) all that will be examined on friday =D But it's alright, come to think of it, it is really not as bad as i was expecting it to be ! i think i can pass afterall! =] So something to consider next time *notes to self* is to keep up with work and don't fall 12 chapters behind ! yeahhhh... LOl

Well apart from work, i've been chilling and listening JD's new song - Getaway~~~~~Best song ever, its the first on my playlist (on the right->) and has been on repeat ever since i first heard it 2 days ago =]

Why don’t you walk away
There’s always a fight
Don’t treat you right
It’s been a long day yeah
So why don’t you come with me
It’s just for the night
We’ll drop out of sight and getaway (oh oh)

If you want then I’ve got it
When you need a place to hide yeah yeah
From the weather, I’m your shelter
So baby come inside
I’ll be your midnight escape
When it’s too much I’ll be your
Geta-geta your getaway (ay)
I’m here to numb all the pain
When life just sucks
I’ll be your geta-geta your getaway (ay ay)

I’ll be your getaway, Your getaway
Your getaway, Your getaway
I’ll be your getaway, Your getaway
Your getaway, Your getaway

Now baby you don’t have to go
Stay here with me, between the sheets
Taking it slow..
And I’ll be here and when he ain’t coming home
And loving you
How dare he leave you alone (alone)

If you want then I’ve got it
When you need a place to hide yeah yeah
From the weather, I’m your shelter
So baby come inside
I’ll be your midnight escape
When it’s too much I’ll be your
Geta-geta your getaway (ay)
I’m here to numb all the pain
When life just sucks
I’ll be your geta-geta your getaway (ay ay)

Tears falling down
And I’ll dry them up for you
Knees to the ground
But I picked you up and you know (you know)
I’m always here
And you know, you know
I won’t disappear
Tears falling down

I’ll be your midnight escape
I’ll be your midnight escape
When it’s too much I’ll be your
Geta-geta your getaway (ay)
I’m here to numb all the pain
When life just sucks
I’ll be your geta-geta your getaway (ay ay)

I’ll be your getaway, Your getaway
Your getaway, Your getaway
I’ll be your getaway, Your getaway
Your getaway, Your getaway

I’ll be your getaway, Your getaway
Your getaway, Your getaway
I’ll be your getaway, Your getaway
Your getaway, Your getaway
I’ma stop cause I ran out of things to say..

When life takes it's toll on me, please be my midnight escape...Let's take your car, drop out of sight and getaway...just for awhile...

Procrastination.... as usual?

2010-06-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

Well this is surprisingly the 2nd day in a row that i am on my blog now=] So once again, my reason for being here is none other than : Procrastination ... the big "P" word...
9 days left to exams and i'm still procrastinating... can i just say, this is EXACTLY what uni does to you!
Anyway, today i went for another morning exercise =] it started out as a rather gloomy day -having the cars' tire punctured on the way to exercise and getting scolded by my dad for wanting to play soccer !!!!- geez what a great start eh!? But it turned out to be not so bad when we ended up at MELISSAs for a nice bruncheon~~ A nice plate of Egg Florentines with one of the best hash browns i've ever tasted !! and of course a filling cheesy plate of chicken risotto =] YUM YUMMMM !! -Best meal ever... especially when you're feeling extremely hungry and can sort of eat a whole cow single-handedly!!!
So altogether, the day turned out to be pretty good, with me ending up in doncaster library, soldiering through a couple of accounting questions and catching up on the numerous weeks of lectures which i "painfully and oh sooo unwillingly" missed *Coughs & chokes* since... mmm....mmm... alright well, i dont really rmbr since when i started missing LOL
Well thats it for today as i should and must and will try to go and study for my Acc & Fin exam on friday >___<

I wish.. i wish.. upon my guardian angel that i had a magic telephone with free calls to you =]

2010-06-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i've come to a point where studying is no longer working too well for me and hence my sudden need to blog.

Lets see... my exams are literally 10 days away and surprisingly i am not feeling the "pressure" or any "intensity" given the short time span before me. Why why why??? Did year 12 really burn me out that much? It's the only thing i could think of as some sort of a logical reason as to why I have deteriorated into such a state? What happened to my brain ? Is it in hibernation or is it just on a little holiday down in Hawaii? Because frankly speaking ... I am in desperate need of it and the skill involved in cramming right now right here, or else i shall be waving goodbye to my passing mark...
Here's the train of thought : I've got 10 days to my afc exam...and i've got just about 12 chapters to cover and revise for... reckon 1 chapter a day will do.... ..LOLOLOL--------------------- Will it? NO of course not! what am i thinking? Am i insane? If I were really able to do so, i would be sitting in place of a nerdy scholar in Harvard studying some intense course like medicine....Yeh right!

So what is wrong with me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH =____=

*brain flickers in instability caused by wondering too much*

--ZAAAP--

*brain dies due to a short circuit*

and thats the end of me

Oh Sigh~

To my angel : I know you're reading this right now, so I wish... I wish... for a warm frizzly polar bear that can be my heater in this cold...=] pls give me one? *shivers*

just hit the soft spot

2010-05-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

Found this song on the radio playing away on 137.7AM, just one of those mornings on the way to Uni. It really caught my heart and ears, and made me put it on replay since.... Just a nice song that I wanted to share with everyone =] Simple lyrics, yet beautiful story behind. So enjoy it friends...=] You know, once in a while its good to change from all those high beat genres or genres of the 21st century and just simply kick back and appreciate one of the greatest oldies of all time =P "i'd really love to see you tonight" ....

I'd really love to see you tonight...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxdsk-cFX-k

I'd Really Love to See You Tonight
England Dan & John Ford Coley

Hello, yeah, it's been a while.
Not much, how 'bout you?
I'm not sure why I called,
I guess I really just wanted to talk to you.
And I was thinking maybe later on,
We could get together for a while.
It's been such a long time,
And I really do miss your smile.
I'm not talking 'bout moving in,
And I don't want to change your life.
But there's a warm wind blowing,
The stars are out, and I'd really love to see you tonight.

We could go walking through a windy park,
Or take a drive along the beach.
Or stay at home and watch t.v.
You see, it really doesn't matter much to me.

I'm not talking 'bout moving in,
And I don't want to change your life.
But there's a warm wind blowing,
The stars are out, and I'd really love to see you tonight.

I won't ask for promises,
So you won't have to lie.
We've both played that game before,
Say I love you, then say goodbye.
I'm not talking 'bout moving in,
And I don't want to change your life.
But there's a warm wind blowing,
The stars are out, and I'd really love to see you tonight.

Well other than listening to this song, i haven't really done anything yet...besides a morning jog =] which i wouldn't have gone otherwise if not for yiing =] Although if any of you are thinking... what the hell?~Morning jog? Is she crazy? 0__0 Let me just tell you how GOOD it feels to jog in the misty cold mornings when the air is soo fresh and clear and you cannot possibly experience more fresh an air than that=] So note to self* take more morning jogs! It makes your body feel so much better and fresher, ready for anything that the day holds !

Okkkk this is it ! time to go do some workkk =] and hopefully it will be productive work !

I'm not sure why i called.. i guess i really just wanted to talk to you...

Back to the times

2010-05-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

I should really be listening to my micro lecture but i just cannot absolutely be bothered LOL... well heres the reason: I saw a special someone's email and got blown away by the purity of soul put into it that right now, i have nothing in my brain but those words i read from the email.

God is amazing. We will never be able to fathom the magnitude of his love, his faithfulness and his powers. These "coincidences" are not so much coincidences sometimes.... particularly when these colliding events are of such rarity... i.e. the same line of issue studied at YAG and received in that email.... I mean WOW... what are the chances of that? That you go to YAG and start on this topic, and in the same night you randomly decide to check your email (Which for someone who doesn't ever check the mails... its a abnormality) and pop out comes this email from someone whom you havent seen or talked to in ages, emailing you abt the same issue!!!!

I truly believe GOD is a GOD of timing, he makes the timing so perfect, that it hits you in the soft spot... So whenever you're down or weary, just remember that GOD has a timing for everything, he is a loving, caring, faithful and true GOD and that he will NEVER let you fall and hurt yourself.

He is back home =]]]]]

I can feel the sunshine

2010-05-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

The cold chilly winds of the morning, turned into a sunny bright afternoon with the sun's rays shone upon my gloomy mood. It turned the frown deep inside, upside down to a smile radiating from within. Just as I couldn't help but wonder when he would call... a private number called... and the day brightened in an instant flash, with the thought of his voice coming from that red brick mobile phone of mine. =] An hour of this familiar voice was just about all i needed to hear and i did. =]

Later in the day, I received 2 calls, one from pancake parlour and one from Beacon Wealth, informing me of an interview with each. It was excitement, excitement and more excitement topped with anticipation, nervousness and then... it fell over the cliff, *kapewwwwww* diving into a pool of mixed feelings. As usual my brain is abit retarded in its way of thinking, so yehh. >__<

Anyway this is it for today, that familiar voice is waiting for a call, and i must sit by my house phone in patience for the home phone to be available so i can hog it for the night. =P Nites ppl

A passing rain cloud

2010-05-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

I am not whining, don't get me wrong...

But i'm just saying what i feel...

Its only been a short while...

Its only been days...

Though i can't help but to miss the many things about you that makes me smile...

I know I'm too reliant, but you just can't blame me...

I've been conditioned to be this way,

through the times with you and me...

So I know in my mind that you have to go one day,

But it never registers in this heart,

coz I don't know how to face it.

I've promised you many things and I can only wish...

that i'll be able to keep to them even after you leave.

I'll try my best, no guarantees...

So don't expect too much from me.

Guess what?

I tried too hard over the last few days

to write out everything i wanted to say..

But i realized it was simply impossible

because it's beyond what only words could paint

As much as i would like to, i want to tell you everything

You know i don't mean to be selfish and keep part of me

But i just need reassurance, that you'll still desire it eventually.

just a thought

2010-05-09T00:22:00.000-07:00

It's another one of those gloomy doomy days that just makes you wana sleep in or do nothing literally. Only that because it is the day before monday (with Uni ) , hence if you do absolutely nothing today, tmr will be kind of screwed up too! But sometimes to be able to just let go for a day, whether be it a monday, sunday, or any day of the week, regardless of what is on the next day, feels kind of free and nice. N that is exactly what i'm doing today. =D and we shall let tmr come as it will and take one step at a time for now!

I was sitting in the car today (driving in to the city - QV market) when my dad suddenly reminded me of how fast time passes, that before you even know it, people whom you've treasured dearly are about to step out of your life, just like that. When all you want to do is to stop time and not move on, the fact of the matter is that nothing you can say or do is going to change a thing that's about to happen. And so all i can do is sit here and slowly go through a packet of sweet chilli crispy chips, in hope that these unhealthy potatoes will get me by or pull me back together. The truth is, even now that i'm half way through them, i still don't find much comfort in them. Each chip that I eat is pretty much nothing more than a detriment to my body, but despite the fact that i'm aware of it's harm, i just can't stop. I don't have anything else that i can use to vent my frustrations or moodiness. Really, times like these make me stop n go, "yea a blog is what i really need", because when everything disappears and time refuses to stop and wait for you, it is a blog that becomes the ears and the place of refuge.

IP MAN 2

2010-05-07T18:52:00.000-07:00

IP MAN 2
BEST MOVIE EVER!!! =] ShazZzzz ur Awesome for making me go! otherwise i would have missed out on the best movie of all time! This movie was filled with intense action packed scenes that would make you wanna kick your legs up in the air and grab on to a pillow n go omg omg omg omg PLEASE WIN!!! ASIAN PRIDE AT STAKE! =] Everyone like clapped n cheered when he pawned that stupid asshole LOL i felt like i was just on the verge of punching that boxer champ dude LOL
And as for those ppl who BAILED on us last min... I.e. VINCENT n stuuuufff!!! xP u guys missed out on an Awesome as movie!!! just letting you noe heheheh ! But i gotta give it to u that the weather was too gloomy to do anything awesome though coz that was how i felt at the start too lololol.
But tis alrite since i went shopping n hung out with my eunice =P hehehe that was fun! n sitting at the top levels of MC looking down n commenting at every dude that stood out from the crowd ! that was quite fun n relaxing to do =P brings the mood up from a gloom doom to a smiley happy mood !
thats all for now folks!
See ya round!!!
more to come=] photos if i find any hahaha

welcomeeee

2010-05-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Hi guysss =P If ur reading this right now it means ur either SUPER special or VERY cool =P n hence u have been invited to this blog ! p.s. though it is a shitty blog sooo don't expect much =P just drop in every now n then when time allows u to =] n leave me something on the board ! I'll try to blog every few days but yehh =] bad habits of forgetting i even have a blog tend to kick in every now n then LOl =] anyways im off to watch tv now! [another bad habit but very educational since i do watch big bang theory HEHEHE] So see u round BABES n DUDES =]

just to viv coz ur special!

2010-05-06T06:27:00.001-07:00

HI VIV!!!! welcome to my un-awesome blog !!! ANd since its sooooo un cool , i just decided to dedicate a post just to u, to make up for it lololol!
ANyways i dont blog that often =] so yehhh but u gotta remind me i have a blog so i'll rmbr to write something up every few days LOL otherwise i'll just forget abt it for like months HAHAHA
Anyways =] SEE U ROUND HUN!

XOXOXOX MUACKS!

2010-04-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

Why does it seem so far away, even though it's right next to me. Is it an illusion or is it reality? Can there be such differences that make a person change that one thought that was known to be true for as long as it had existed, up till this very moment? And what's worst is that the very cause of it swims around like a blood cot in the brain, it pounds hard and never fades until the eyes shut and deep sleep replaces existence. Thats when everything fades and a dark cloud is replaced by light, a world of recurring mental frustration comes to a temporary "end" of some sort.

I think to myself in this quietness that this thing must not and can-not end, for if it so does, i'd hate to think what will become of me. I can't imagine the ending to this tunnel of frustration, uncertainty, love, hate and jealousy, and yet i know that it is just ahead. It looks as if it is coming towards me with such great speed, or is it I that is sliding down the tunnel towards it? In the midst of this tunnel, my vulnerability is put on the spot, leaving me with no choice but to offer it unconditionally, which makes it all the more worse. Doing so is like heading off on a one way course with no chance return. The longer i leave it out there for, the deeper it goes and the further i go along with it. So Right now, i just wished that i had never entered that tunnel in the first place and that i could return to before this, if and only if i could go back in time and undo all of this foolishness...

I HATE BUS LAW

2010-03-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

i officially hate my life. Bus law sucks. =[
Was reading page after page of font sized 9 in my bus law book and after 5 pages i still couldnt understand a SINGLE THING that they were saying.
Whats this "consideration must be sufficient but need not be adequate" ????

isn't sufficient and adequate synonyms??? but guess what... APPARENTLY they have been given "distinct meanings" in discussions of consideration? great... i'll just have to alter the definitions of these words in my dictionary to suit this subject=.="

ok so i read on and it goes...

"a promise to perform an existing duty is no consideration, at least when the promise is made by a party to a pre-existing contract, when it is made to the promisee under that contract, and it is to do no more than the promisor is bound to do under the contract. The rule expresses the concept that the new promise, indistinguishable from the old, is an illusory consideration. And it gives no comfort to a party who by merely threatening a breach of contract seeks to secure an additional contractual benefit from the other party on the footing that the first part's new promise of performance will provide sufficient consideration for that benefit."

and then i loose concentration and everything i've just read, is flowing out of my brain within seconds of completing that paragraph and soon it's all blank and empty, just like it was before i even started reading... the crappy part to all of this is that the paragraph above is pretty much only a quarter of a page in my book.. SIGHS...

It's absolutely FRUSTRATING =.= i cant imagine having to do this for another 7 weeks.... *faints* AHHH the thought of it makes me suicidal. How on planet earth am i going to pass my bus law exam??? And to top it off, those "extended" responses, which are no different to writing a whole essay for each question, are going to screw me over. T_T
Why did i pick bus law? WHYYYYYYYY =.=?????
*note to self* Don't do anymore law subjects after this semester!!!!!

Anyways, i popped on to upload a photo of the awesome as dinner that i cooked (although it was a couple of days ago, but hey i was busy alrite!) Hmmm take a look at this...
Spare ribs with roasted pumpkin and fresh potato salad. (all made from scratch) HEHEHE

YUM YUM YUMMMMM =]

Alrites well, this is it for now, im off to waste somemore time reading those paragraphs of font sized 9 that i'm not going to be able to understand in any case.T_T

Public transport sucks

2010-03-10T02:42:00.000-08:00

Omgggosh criminal minds is like the SCARIEST thing ever! (psychologically i mean)
I was just watching criminal minds and now im OFFICIALLY scared of barbie dolls!!!! .... I think i will shiver at the sight of them now!
ANYWAY, Yes well the question is why am i here?
ANS: Because i just got reminded that im duty bounded to blog =] so here i am...

TODAY I've learnt one thing n one thing only, and thats VIC PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM SUCKS BALLS and i'VE HAD IT! >=| FRUSTRATING PIECE OF POOP!
This morning i was SUPPOSED to catch the 10.55 am bus and so i got there around 10.45. I waited and waited and waited, 10 mins later the bus was still nowhere to be seen. So i waited and waited and waited AND FINALLY at 11.15 the bus came driving down the bus terminal, moving as slow as a tortoise T_T! *ROAR ROAR ROARRR!!! was the only thing INSIDE MIND* =.=
SO the conclusion is I NEED MY Ps!!!!!! AND I NEED TO DRIVE!!! But first of all I NEED THE 120 HOURS!!!! SIGHS. I hate this system and late buses are POOPIES!

Apart from that lesson, i really havent learnt anything new yet... not at my accounting lecture today either=.=

monday = gay day

2010-03-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

Just survived the longest day of my week- Monday.
ok tbh im only here because someone made me feel GUILTY n obliged in some way to do a post today. =.="
Well anyways, today i committed a record breaking act ( for me that is), wagging for the FIRST TIME since i started UNI =] ALthough uni has really only gone for one week LOLOL =D STILL ... it was my first time that i wagged a lecture. AND it was a management lecture =.=" so all the MORE reason to skip it. but i guess the main incentive was the thought of my comfy soft blanket n cosy bed at home that really made me walk out of that lecture theater 15 minutes ( NO JOKE) into the lecture.
Yehh SOoo i completely missed out on whatever was being lectured for this week, but i guess it doesnt matter, theres always the book and its chapter summaries!!!!!!!! Chapter summaries = my NEW BEST FRIEND, they save me soooo much time n effort and r just simply AWESOME!

Okiess well im off to go find some food to eat noww=D
Laters all

Costco n bday dinner

2010-02-28T02:38:00.000-08:00

I FINALLY GOT MY ASS DOWN TO COSTCO, THX to my sis =] i had a chance to go in and take a GOOD look at just HOW cheap things can get in BULK>50 x smith chips -snack size packs for ONLY 12.99 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and some other cool stuff that were obviously not as alarmingly cheap as the one i mentioned above, but still SO VERY CHEAP =D
Anyway after that satisfying buy we headed out for dinner at this nice restaurant at Camberwell. It was called flerili Or SOMETHIng... anyway i wasnt really paying attention but mannnnnnn it was one sumptuous dinner with the best ever chocolate soufle to top things off =D HEHEEHE
Well that was pretty much IT !
ANyways i need to go sleep now, before i die of lack of sleep, on the early morning bus ride (7.15 am ) to clayton ! >=| SO NOT HAPPY With that SHITTY TIMETABLE=[(ARGHHHH)

MONEY MONEY MONEY

2010-02-26T01:31:00.000-08:00

*sings to self* MONEY MONEY MONEY, IT is SOMETHING in the rich mans world =DD

BREAD BREAD BREAD BREAD BREAD YUM YUM YUMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY! MY fav bread stall in the whole wide worlllddd =P
Hehehehe JUST got the job at BREADTOP!!!!WHICH MEANSSSSS soon my bank account shall not be soo empty, as it currently is... *hides in shame*
Well i did go shopping today... it was the BARDOT SALE so i guess i HAD to ... I bought NICE AS JEANS (approved by JESS LA =D) It was Similar to the one below

AND BEST OF ALL IT WAS FROM $159.99 DOWN TO $30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How CLD I have resisted... it was IMPOSSIBLE HEHEHEHEHE SO i GOT it !

ANd then i got a nice casual dress for 12 bucks =] it was down from the ALRDY discounted $20. n I think it was like 30 bucks or 40 bucks before =] (cldnt find a photo for that)

ANYWAY POINT IS I GOT THE JOB N IM NOT GONNA BE SO POV ANYMORE! =D
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! CANT WAIT TO START! =]

IT JUST TOPPED MY SONG LIST

2010-02-24T05:24:00.000-08:00

BEST SONG EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS ON REPLAY 24/7
MASSIVE OBSESSION WITH MY NEWEST MOST FAV ARTIST ~ MATT PALMER

MATT PALMER - FALL FOR YOU!

We built it like a castle of sand
And we held it in the palm of our hands
Never let it blow away in the wind
Or wed catch it, put it back together again

And I still don't
Remember life before
You came inside
And opened up that door
You're an angel I've
Never known a love like yours
Something special that's for sure

Cause I stay up late night and wait for your call
When I hear your voice nothing matters at all
Girl, I got no choice I just can't help but fall for you

When my phone rings
And you're dialing my number I can't breathe
So don't ever wonder if this thing
We got going is stuck in a daydream
Cause it's real to me, my baby

And I still don't
Remember life before
You came inside
And opened up that door
You're an angel I've
Never known a love like yours
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Something special that's for sure

Cause I stay up late night and wait for your call
When I hear your voice nothing matters at all
Girl, I got no choice I just can't help but fall for you

What we got it won't ever fade
If were miles apart or worlds away
Girl, the only thing I'll ever need is you

Cause I stay up late night and wait for your call
When I hear your voice nothing matters at all
Girl, I got no choice I just can't help but fall for you

Cause I stay up late night and wait for your call
When I hear your voice nothing matters at all
Girl, I got no choice I just can't help but fall for you

When you're scared and lonely just pick up the phone
You're my one and only, you're never alone
There is no hope for me it's too late I've fallen for you
For you

ORIENTATION -

2010-02-24T04:20:00.001-08:00

Advertising safe sex so quick??? Practically EVERY stall or Club that i went to, that gave out freebies... gave out (WHAT A SURPRISE =.=) CONDOMS !!!!
This was what happened..My first station was the nando's stall. I ran up and gave that cute man-sized nandos chicken a hug and received a handful of freebies, amongst which came 2 small little packets that looked completely harmless to take. So ANYWAY I happily took it and held on to it WITHOUT realizing what it was. THEN adam came n asked me if i wanted his, SO I TOOK IT (STILL WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS OK).. n yess i got bagged so bad after that and what happened after is pretty self-explanatory. LOl =.=Sighs! I sure did learn a lesson there.... =.=
NOTE TO SELF * CHECK WHAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN EVEN IF IT WAS FREE BEFORE GETTING MORE OF IT =.=

Reality

2010-02-21T18:11:00.000-08:00

Fragile. Fragile. Fragile... was the only thing running through my mind as i saw her scurrying around the house, with her shrunken skin-to-bone figure, frantically trying to gather the things that they were going to take with them. Every few minutes she would come to me with new instructions on how to carry on the job after her. The dog, the bedsheets, the cupboard, the clothes, the washing etc. Unfortunately all that i could register was that they were leaving.
Then, he called for me. I stepped into my room which they had been occupying for months and sat beside him on the bed. He gave me a light pat on my back and said with tears welling up in his sunken eyes, "I'm leaving, and i don't know if I'll ever come again". Immediately the words, "Don't say that, you will definitely be able to make it here next year!!" came to my mind. The only thing was, i didn't say it. I wanted to say it, but those words just wouldn't come out. There was something blocking it. Anyhow it became obvious to me that his weak body was growing weaker by the minute. Be it due to a weak mind or the lack of will power to live... he was not going to get any stronger, that's for sure. It ached to see him tear but I didn't know how to comfort him. All i had then was a fractured moment of hope that they would come and visit me again. I hugged him wishing that the only thing stopping them from coming was the accommodation. Then, things would have been so much easier and this time i would actually be able to do something to make life better for them. Like give up my room or whatever it took to make space for them in this house. But the reality of it was that the problem lied with their health and that was something that I, irregardless of choice, couldn't make a difference in. They're taking a nap now and that's why I'm down here blogging away, but i know that in a few hours time, the moment that i've been dreading for, for the last few months, will in any case become real.
Laters all

Quiche

2010-02-19T16:32:00.000-08:00

Just made some really tasty quiche that i am sure i'll make again =D
Anyway Some ppl just don't appreciate it when they have the privilege to try! >=|
AND SOOO I ATE IT ALL BY MYSELF HMPH!

2010-02-19T04:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes just when you start to think you know a person, things happen that make you shudder at the thought of your mis-assumption. But in any case, you still move on in some sort of mask, pretending that nothing had ever happened.

Anyway... another thing that i've realized is that...
I really don't believe that there is any word or promise that has been made by a "promisor" doing it without the intention of breaking it in the end. They may say " I promise" but subconsciously they are actually thinking "If i break it, what will happen? And if I don't, will anything happen?" [and btw this only applies to humans] As they all say, promises are made to be broken! Are they not??

Alright well I'm gonna go sleep now, with my mind thinking - I can't BELIEVE HIM! I gave him 4 reminder calls, all within the space of half an hour and he can just simply forget abt it TWICE IN A ROW??? *roars with anger* I HATE UNRELIABLE PEOPLE! =[ They irritate me like crazy!!!!

2010-02-17T18:29:00.001-08:00

Snip Snap. A wake up call. Time to get down to business and accomplish the unaccomplished left from before. Have you ever felt like after a long break, you just don't want to go back to the everyday routine? Well i finally broke the endless cycle of laziness and procrastination. I figured the longer you leave it hanging, the worse it gets. (Yes Yes... i know it took me a tiny bit long to realize it, but better late than never i guess)
Along with my wake up call came several tedious jobs in line waiting for me to do.
E.g. 1) Get my UNI BOOKS
2) Settle my uni fees ( Hecs approval not received =S i dont noe whyyyy!!!)
3) Get my ass to gym and quickly finish my gym membership!
4) Lose some weight ( the most tedious job of all, given my love for food)
5) Get my ass to Kumon to finish up my training and START EARNING MONEY
6) Upload photos of singapore trip ( not so important but still something i need to do)
7) TIDY UP MY DAMN ROOM! =.= (this is one the second most tedious considering the state of mess my room is in atm) *SIGHS*
8) start my ASX account so i can catch up to ben =.=

Ok well this is my list of 'To Dos'. I sure hope they become 'To Dos'

OHH AND BEFORE I GO, CONGRATS TO XINNI IN GETTING HER Ps!!!! ALI's KEBABS HERE WE COMMEEEEEE =D

Blogging it out

2010-02-17T01:31:00.000-08:00

Here it is, i'm finally back to blogging (after saying it the last time in 2009 but obviously not keeping to it...)
During the last one week, too many things had happened, cramping up my mind to the extent that i actually felt it was kind of neccessary to blog it all out. I figured that blogging would be the answer to my frustrations and my sudden irritable nature that had kicked in over the last few weeks, which is still the case. I can't really pinpoint a specific moment to which these emotions began but i can say that i've never felt this way before.
A couple of days ago, a sudden decision was made that i could not have seen coming. It hurt like crazy and i guess i should have seen it coming...It began as nothing but ended up to be something and i don't know how i feel about it anymore. This decision was made sort of by me and sort of not... it really hasn't set in me yet. It seems unreal, but it happened so fast that the thought of it leaves me breathless. A snippet of time was lost in it and i guess it leaves me empty. It is almost impossible to describe with words what goes on inside, but it feels as if it is hollow right now, with nothing to give to those around and nothing to offer to anybody. I know this is merely a phase like a passing rain cloud but i just had to blog it out.

P.s. I wana give special thanks to ben for redesigning my blog for me. Thx man!
And don't forget to vote --> =]

2009-02-07T02:58:00.000-08:00

I'm officially back to blogging again =] [at least for the next few weeks i suppose]. Well... its been quite awhile that this blog has been neglected and i would feel most horrible T___T to leave it so empty for the next few weeks till i find sometime to come back here again... ALSO since i am procrastinating at the moment and have nothing better to do.. i decided Might as well come here.=] ANWAYS HERE ARE...
My accomplishments for the day :
Half an exercise of maths [ in 5 hours altogether] =__=

I'd like to announce the fact that i have no idea what i am doing with 2 maths subjects AND im so screwed. oh yeh.... =]
................................................
alright im off now +__=

2009-01-17T01:31:00.000-08:00

Note* Only limited pieces per design are made. Prices vary.

MdL #008
MdL #1017
MdL #1017 b
Note* The following 2 designs are fury skinned.
MdL #303MdL #305

2009-01-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

Long time no write...
feels kinda weird how my extremely tired- from lack of sleep- brain thought of my blog just out of the blue and directed my actions right here.
Alrite so... what did i do today?
Well i attended one of the church member's wedding and it was so beautiful. You may think all weddings ARE meant to be beautiful but what made it more special than any other was the fact that i finally realized that there could be only one reason that could land 2 people in front of each other willing to commit the rest of their lives to the other person. That reason was God's love.
I really never saw the beauty in weddings till this one. The church ceremony was beyond a doubt the most meaningful one i've ever attended.
The bride walked down the aisle holding her father's arm in one and a bunch of flowers in the other. Her hand shaking so intensely that i could see it from where i was sitting. Eyes were stuck on her amazingly white gown and the pretty face that hid behind the veil.
Sitting at the very last row of seats right to the very back wall, i thought to myself that one day that would be me walking down the aisle. It felt kind of scary how life moves so fast. Someone ever told me that "the only constant in life are changes". I dont know how much one can change in months, weeks or even days... But i know one thing. That if 2 people are fated to be together, whether life changes drastically or stays the same they will end up together in the very end. If things don't turn out, theres always so much more out there waiting for you to leave your footprints so just Hope you realize life out there is much bigger than just the one person who left those footprints in your heart... if you're reading this that is. SMILEEEE K! =]
~SMILE AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE BACK AT YOU! ~

2008-12-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

In a blink of an eye, a month has passed.
I've accomplished nothing to this date and
the thought of it is quite dissatisfying.

2008-12-21T06:26:00.001-08:00

DAD FINALLY SAID YES TO LETTING XIN NI HAVE THE DOG! WOHOOOO!
THANK GOD FOR THAT !!!!! =] but not forgetting all that convincing and conning him with the jap dinner to ease the mood too contributed to the good ending!=P phew*
AHHHHH IM SoOO HAPPY! CANT WAIT TILL WE GET THE DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok well its 1.22 am and i wana say Happy 1 year and 10 months to ben =P
[see i told you i would write something abt u if u checked it everyday, faithfully~]
haha but its only going to be so little coz i already wrote you an email. so check ur emaillll!!

TOday was such an awesome day.
i Tanned [ got the worst tan line on my arm by accident =__= but it was still good for the rest of the body].
Did some reading... [ stupid 1984 by george orwell is completely and utterly unreadable with at least 1 complicated word every 4 or 5 words T__T ARGHHH leaving me with no choice but to google define almost every 5th word!]
And worked with dad in the garden! [it was kind of nice to help out in the garden and spend some time with dad. Afterall i'll prob be so busy in the coming year that i won't have much time for him.]
Finally went for a meal at "SAKATA" its the COOLEST PLACE i've been to in the last few months [for dinner that is]! its a jap restaurant with tepanyaki grill and mannn the showmanship there was soo good! the chefs cooked our food infront of us and played the food catching game with us too! it was good fun! too bad dad mum and xinni didnt want to do it. but i did ! =P decided i had to make it worth the money i was paying haha =P Mannn i wana have my next year's birthday there with just my close friends. that would be the bestttt most ideal place. unfortunately its all the way on burwood hwy at the K-Mart plaza and transport would prob be the 2nd biggest problem after cost.
Well that was my day and now im off to sleep.
Laters all! =P

2008-12-16T22:39:00.000-08:00

Heavy clouds. A gloomy sky. Looking like its about to rain any moment, though it's been like that for the whole day. I haven't done much. My efficiency level on days as such is pretty much close to zero. The absence of sunshine makes my body lethargic and tired. It seems like its time to sleep even though its daytime not night. Has the summer gone by? Wheres the sunshine i'd been waiting for? Lucky for me though, i found a song to turn my day around, turn my frown to a smile and my gloomy day brighter.
Anyways...
Just wanted to give a shout out to all those people out there who absolutely adore old school songs!
Heres one that can turn a frown into a smile. So get the song, listen to it and smile away.

Bryan Adams
Summer of '69 from Reckless 1984

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it till my fingers bled
It was the summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far

Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '69

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '69

2008-12-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

It was no doubt an exciting head start to the week.
YEsterday Kawaii ben and i hit the city just past noon, in search of ARMY / Military clothes to dress up for the BIG BIG BIG EVENT -> the grill'd xmas party! =]
Not knowing if we would find anything, we simply combed almost every possible store from bourke st to elizabeth st to melbourne central to lt bourke st and the list goes on!
Finally by about 4pm we got the things we needed to become the "army" of grill'd and headed back to melb central where we met elias and nathan. Had subway, filled our tummies [ well the other 3 didnt really =___= they had drinks and an apple pie for dinner] then we headed out to meet daniel? i think thats his name... we tried to train to flinders but ended up making 2 rounds up and down the 2 levels of the melb central station and exited to take a safer and easier route~ the tram. We followed MR PRoctor's extremely detailed directions that took up half a piece of A4 paper LOL and headed to the ARMY SITE! [ well the hall in which the party was held. but i'll call it the ARMy site for now] anyways we got lost along the way even with these detailed directions, which goes to show how bad guys are at directions =P jks jks. Though we did end up in the right place after much walking around the blocks and trying to figure out which one was coppin hall when we begin with it right infront of us. yep =__= and im pretty sure none of us were high or drunk at the point ....
Well on with it. The party was a blast! everyone was shouting screaming and i was drenched with beer, vodka, cruisers, champaign, water... and who noes what else ! it was much fun! Everyone was high, jumping and dancing and singing to the songs! the party was SICK ASS!
Niweas here are some photos but more will come and more will be on facebook =P so stick around guys!
SAnta a supporter of the army ? 0.o???? [LOL @ MICK]

its time.

2008-12-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all!
Im bak again from a long and tiring morning in Nunawading desperately trying to find something nice and worthwhile to sleep on. Well i found nothing again. It was a disappointing trip and i am almost about to give up. I've been to almost all the places that could possibly sell a range of bedroom furniture but nothing seems to be just the right price and style. Its either too expensive or completely not the contemporary design i had wanted, in which case i don't plan on comprising on the style since im going to have to live with it and sleep on it for the next 10 years at least.
And thats not all. Guess whats more depressing. Ben's going back to Singapore today =[ and my bffl and smfl is not going to be around anymore to accompany me on a full day's worth of shopping or whatever it is that i want to do. Hmmm the only consolation to this whole thing is that i get to send him off to the airport [ although that would only last as long as the car trip as dad cbb paying for the parking there so i really hope we get stuck in a humongous traffic jam somewhere along the way, which will buy me some more time...] And this consolation prize was awarded to me with TONNES of thanks to Ben wong since he is SO AWESOME and decided to take my shift for me so that i could make it for the car ride to the airport. Oh wait... actually there is one more good side to it, it's that at least i won't be put in the position- standing at the departure gate- having to see my bffl+smfl go. Coz for me, i always cry when someone i send off goes through the departure gate. So i guess i won't be putting myself in a position where i would have tears on the edge my eyes about to roll off any moment. =]
Wells im going to have to go soon.
It's 1.37 pm and im about 10 minutes away from leaving for his house to pick him and his family up. Hopefully i don't show any emotion until im back home since the last thing i want is for my dad to be all sus at me for being sad.
Anyways im planning on jogging later on in the afternoon =P get some fresh air and start my holiday plans since most ppl are gone now.
So cya guys around !

P.s. Bryan just wanted to tell u that: HOPE U've been having a BLAST over there enjoying all the one nighters =] *raises eyebrows up and down* hehehehe

2008-12-09T04:15:00.000-08:00

Like the previous post guys? stay tuned for the special guest's return visit soon-ish =P as soon as i can get hold of her on her busy schedule again!
Anyways
The day began in chaddy as me and cherry walked the shops and made the bens try on the funniest clothes ever =P
YEpp THATS SOME HOT AS GAY CLOTHES ~ well more lyk as cherry calls them the "GAY CLOTHES co. " wad an awesome BRAND - right cherry?
hahaha anyways we laughed our assess and then headed in to the COOLEST PLACE ON PLANET EARTH - TOYS R US! for those of u who have NEver been there... what a shame!
In there we found this really cool speaker recorded voice mutilator thingy and ended up playing with it for quite some time.... =P it was quite an entertainer i must say.

But all in all the day was awesome! and EVERYONE SHLD GO TO TOYS R US AND CHECK IT OUT! WHEEEEEEEEEEEe

alrite im out for now =]
be bak soon !

2008-12-09T03:46:00.000-08:00

hey guys and girlies,
Nelly Yuki here hacking into "stacey's" page and making a post.
dont know who i am? well thats besides the point.. im here to tell you about my night. So here i was happily msning away on msn talking to my favorite people (btw some people were missing) and deciding to log into myspace. dont know what myspace is? google it. anyways my mood at this point was slightly emo-ish but i was happy at the same time. back to the point, i logged on myspace and posted a bulletin, (which the contents of that bulletin will not be disclosed here) hoping that people wouldnt read it seeing as no one reads those things anyways. i was so wrong. this guy, lets call him Mr X for saftey purposes, read the bulletin. He was the last person that i thought would read it and i certainly did NOT want him to read it. why? who knows. wasnt even about him? but i still feel something.. dont know wat but its definately there.. and let me tell you this isnt a happy feeling so save it. anywho Mr X happens to ruin my evenings by talking to me, just when i thought it would be a good night. Btw, i have no feelings for Mr X at all and i can assure you 100% there is nothing there.

ill keep you posted on how Mr X continues to confuse me, if you have any questions to ask me? ill be more than happy to answer especially if you dont get what i wrote (:

love ny
xoxo

2008-12-07T00:27:00.000-08:00

Its already 1/4 way into the holidays and i have barely done anything for myself =__= i think its about time i start planning for the holidays =P Hence this is my goal setting post for the summer holidays!

The list begins :

1] Must renovate my room and recreate a NEW room for myself that i will be comfortable with in the long run, well mostly for my year 12 since i must be able to sleep well and study well in my room.

2]Must make my photo collage and find a canvas to deco my room with. Preferably a large rectangle canvas so that i can place it above my new bed-to-be head.

3]Must finish reading TWILIGHT before tan tan comes back

4]Must finish my holiday homework for Specialist, methods and Eng

5]Must be well prepared for English tuition- commencing the 11th of FEb -9pm

6]Must finish all chink tuition hw from the last lesson before the 30th of Dec

7]Must exercise everyday for at least an hour.

8]Must get a tan =__= [ well thats IF i can tan... since my skin is practically white=__= but of course i don't want to be as black as bryan yong hoeeeee =P ]

9]Must meet jess la on her birthday =]

hmmm thats it for now i guess..

Oh look... i've got a visitor from singapore at my door step. I'll leave it here for now =] be back soon with more of my list to comeeee [ when i think of them ! ]

2008-12-04T04:21:00.000-08:00

~9.43 am~
Goood morning all! Its another bright and sunny day in Melbourne. Well thats for now, im guessing, since there no clouds hanging over me atm. But then again lets not forget that melbourne is known for having 4 seasons in a day.
Anyway im currently on my way to DFO and yes one may wonder WHAT ON EARTH am i doing up so early making my way all the way to ESSENDON DFO. Hmmm truth is i dont know either! Well i guess its partly due to the fact that im overly excited by the prospect of FINALLY getting a new bed frame as well as a new set of furniture to go with the suite. Hopefully something nice is waiting for me at the end of this long 30 min drive that is killing me because i cant wait to browse around and jump into the perfect bed for me!

~11.21pm~
im back with much disappointment. I mean the full english breakfast at DFO was no doubt satisfying but the fact that after going all the way to Essendon, i came back with NOTHING =[
no bed no frame no furniture. Its saddening.
To top it off, we even drove all the way to Nunawading just to take a look at forty winks. And after finally seeing something AWESOMELY PERFECT AND TOTALLY WORTH ITS PRICE....the measurements were simply TOO BIG FOR MY ROOM!
BOOOOOO at all the bed frame manufacturers for making such big Queen size frames with such huge bed side tables and such bulky tall boys =[ !!!!!!!

niweas today was pretty tiring running all over melbourne so i think im going to turn in now.
LAterz all

gossip girl craze

2008-12-03T03:13:00.000-08:00

hey all!
im back on track with a sudden passion from blogging after watching the whole of season 1 Gossip girl! But just to make it clear, i did not spend 3 whole days doing a gossip girl marathon i actually worked from thursday to monday and watched it only during the night=] and thats not the best part of it! the best part is when i got my pay slip today which states that i have earn $ XXX [and juz to paint a clearer picture, its the most i've earned in a week] WHEEE!!!!!!!! hmmm let me think, what do girls do when they have MONEY... thats right... its time for some SHOPPING!!
Ok maybe not considering the fact that i should be saving up for... something special =] which of course is not the right time yet to reveal its identity.

ANyways moving on!
was it just me? or was it my luck ? coz the day just got better. Ben and i decided to go slightly earlier to queue for the 2nd hand book sale knowing quite well how many [asian] students will beat us to it even if we were 30 mins early. So we walked in through the door and unknowingly i cut the into the "line" in which i thought was non existent since there was no line and managed to get out as one of the first to get my books. =] luckily for me i didn't get in trouble with the 76512345676543456 people queuing up behind me! =P phewwww* but yeh it was all good and at least i spent sometime with the smelly poop whilst waiting for my dad =]

OH OH AND the last thing i ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT is how BRYAN LOST TO ME AT DOTAAAAA =]
I finally figure out that the most satisfying thing to do is to own a guy at what most ppl would call a "GUY's Game" well all i got to say is never Underestimate girl power! =] [thats right bryan! u noe wad im talking about]
yesss isnt it fun to see ones facial expression the moment they fail!? alright alright i'll stop being mean, ur face is probably bloating up in full redness by now, but chillax k =] its alright that u lost to me A GIRL ! Geez brys, no need to act like a sore loser .. tsk tsk tsk
see wad i just found
*Brys spotted whilst talking to benwong - refusing to admit his absolutely failure at DOTA*

ßryan says:
yeah
ßryan says:
with xc and my brother
b e и. o_O says:
haha
ßryan says:
she beat me without using skills
ßryan says:
(lame)
b e и. o_O says:
lol.........
b e и. o_O says:
proves even sg girls can beat msians
ßryan says:
well...
ßryan says:
technically...
ßryan says:
xc isn't a girls
b e и. o_O says:
LOL
ßryan says:
n guys don't lose to girls

damn right u are bryz! SG girls have ALWAYS AND will ALWAYS beat msians ANYTIME OK brys! its a forgone conclusion btw Juzt incase u didnt noe, if u call me a guy means ur calling ur best friend gay =P plus how hard is it to just admit that maybe the problem is not that im not a girl, rather that UR not a GUY! =D there you go! payback time! EAT IT BRYAN!

2008-11-24T04:58:00.000-08:00

its 11.57 am and i just got off the phone with ben. Seeing as i cant get myself to sleep just yet, i decided to return to my fav place~ My blog~.

Todays devotion passage comes from Mathew 5:13-16

You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Hmmm i really like this paragraph. It does make me think alot deeper. We are the salt of the earth. If we lose our "saltiness", how can we be made "salty" again? Question is can we ever? I cant help but wonder, when it says "it is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men" does that mean that once we lose this faith or this passion, even though we can regain and renew it, it'll never be as "salty" as before? Or does it mean that once we lose track and go astray, we can never be used again for God's work and his glory? And then it goes on to call us the "light of the world". But personally, quite so often i find myself ending up as the lamp under the bowl, hiding beneath the surface, hiding the "light" in the darkness of the world. Is it shyness? or embarrassment? or am i ashamed? 0.0
I asked myself why and tried to give myself an answer but even i dont know the answer.
So I thought to myself, if i was asked to stand up on the highest platform closest to me amongst a big crowd of people, regardless of the number of non-believers standing around me, and jump up there and scream out loud that "I LOVE JESUS!!!" ....would i be able to?
Honestly, i wouldn't be able to. But is this what god means when he wants us to show our faith and not hide or be ashamed? Is the reason for me not being able to do such a thing - the fear of being embarrassed? or the fear of people judging me? or the fear of how many non believers surround me ? i dont know. I honestly don't. But maybe one day... i'll try it. One day...

2008-11-23T01:28:00.000-08:00

HElooo everyone. Im back with some photos though they are rather ugly =___= ok so maybe i didnt get the AWESOME photos i promised... but AT LEAST I made an effort to get some photos. =D
SO these are a few of the photos from the month of november, i'll have more coming up. just need to get these ones out first! =P [p.s. their not in date order but i'll make sure to explain each one ^_^]

OK this was on the 21st =D when ben n i were having lunch n i decided to capture his pervertic look ! *just incase u cant see what the speech bubble says. it says " 4 entertainment call me @ 1800-333-777"

Us - celebrating jess n tanya's birthday=]

Me n jess lovinn those glasses=] As u can see...

ok thats it for now. i gotta go do stupid course confirmation =] but all in all it was a fun day!

2008-11-21T04:17:00.000-08:00

Hmmm today was awesome =] spent half the day shopping with ben and the next half watching movie n going to youth! as usual youth was violent but funnnn as.
Niweas there will be some photos coming up soon since sunday is APPROACHING! and i WILL N PROMISE TO GET SOME AWESOME PHOTOS!
niweas thats it for now=] laterz

enough is enough

2008-11-13T05:03:00.000-08:00

You may be all the things in the world, knowledgeable, street smart, wise... yea sure these things are good to have, but one thing you dont have is the heart to give in when you're wrong or to take a step back in a fight and say sorry. You must win, you cannot lose. Thats how you think. And i know it because im on the receiving end. You say things and argue your way even if its wrong. You pick on me when i'm most frustrated. When you're in pain, everyone around you is insignificant and everything is about you. When you've had enough arguing, you simply abuse your status and say "enough is enough!". You know i can't say a word after that but you prick my pride just for fun. You see anger brewing within me, yet just to satisfy yourself you make me admit that i am wrong. You are unreasonable, intollerable and now i say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"

This is what its like....
*Every 5 seconds... *" why aren't you doing your work!?" he says...
WELL HELLO... FOR YOUR INFORMATION I"VE BEEN DOING WORK FOR THE LAST 5 HOURS AND WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? A ROBOT? FREAKING GIVE ME A BREAK.

*he's sitting there with an ice pack on his arm, watching tv*
"My arm hurts, can you go to the kitchen n get me ice cream..."he says... [ technically he isnt asking, he's implying that he WANTS ice cream]
so i say "i'm having stomach cramps" and
he goes " but its so near, why cant you just walk there?*
... right... so i can walk there with stomach cramps since its SO NEAR... and you cant coz you've got an arm that is feeling sore [from golf which is ur fault coz y must u play golf if u know its going to be sore] .....

Seriously the only reason im on at this weird hour in the middle of the night, hitting these keys real hard, completely disregarding the fact that i have a methods exam tmr morning.... its just coz i've been kicked off the edge into a boiling cauldron to burn with anger. I am sick and tired of you being so selfish and unreasonable. I think what you need really.. is a taste of your own medicine! FREAKIN JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!! ARGH!

great... look whose here... my mum and she's trying to use her soft talk and talk me into believing that he screamed at me for a good reason. yeh right... this is what i called BULLSHIT... coz somehow the look on her face doesnt seem like she believes what is coming out from her mouth... this is the last thing that i need... another lecture from mum. great night isnt it. im so screwed for my exam tmr, but really i kind of want to fail it just to piss them off. Im pretty sure it will do some damage [since i've never failed before ] although probably not as much as i hope for... but oh well.... i just hope that i can get some peace for the next few days... it be good if i can avoid running back here to vent my anger, since i have "no right at all" to vent it in real life with him around.

The thought of me not coming home till after youth which is about 10pm is indeed awesome. cant wait till tmr. I can study in peace, take breaks in peace when i want to [ coz i'll be in the library the whole day] and feel free from unneccesary stress. wohooo. cant wait.

2008-11-07T23:27:00.000-08:00

FINALLY its over... my 3 4 exam. no more accounting for a year =] WOHOOO =P
i guess thats why i've finally found the time to come back here n update it T__T

so i'll just start from yesterday coz i cant rmbr wad i did in the last month that i didnt blog T__T
yehh yesterday i had youth =P it was pretty fun coz we had heaps of girls FOR ONCE !!!! n it was AMY N LIZ's brithday HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZ for todayyyy!!!!!
Yeh n jess and i had soooo much fun in getting levin back for his absolute RUDENESS AT US over msn =] it was satisfying though =P as usual the night started off with games and i ended up tripping over with everyone falling over me within the next few minutes, but it was pretty fun anyhow ! After which we ended the night with D -teams which was really good as well =]

As for today, i had to work from 9.30 am to 3pm, it was very tiring and can i just say... i officially HATE CARROTS! T___T they are the HARDEST THINGS TO CUT! seriously... it took me like a GABIJILLION years to shred 4 boxes of carrots coz the carrots kept flying everywhere! ARGHH n by the end of it my arm was NUMB and ORANGY coloured... howwww niceee =.= To top it off after my battle with the evil flying carrots *glares at shredded carrots* i was asked to to do prep for the stinkin avocados which seriously is just SOOOOO HARD TO MASH n pretty disgusting to see it mash between ur fingers =___= so that coloured my arm green and left me with stained green and orangy arms, how attractive T_=" but apart from that work was pretty alrite i guess.
After work i went around shoppo with mum and dad for a little while, n saw quite a few nice HIGH waist skirts just that i kind of have a weird feeling abt fashion these days. Its sort of like, i can look at a nice skirt or top and totally fall in love with it, but i dont end up buying it coz i just know i wont be bothered to wear it out. I duno what is wrong with me. Problem is i can be bothered trying out HEAPS of clothes at a store but end up losing interest in buying them after trying them on, even though i think its nice. seriously i think im on the path of becoming a sloppy freak coz even i dont know why i cant be bothered buying nice clothes and wear them out.... i've lost that passion to dress up really really nicely and not look sloppy everytime i go out with friends. hmmm oh wells i hope this is just a 'phase' im going through... =| but for now i guess im better off staying at home n not shopping till i eventually grow out of this sloppy phase of mine.

alrite thats it for now... i gotta go do some work n i prob shld get started on revision for my exams which are starting this tuesday =___= AHHHHHHHHHHHH
=D laterz guys.

2008-10-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

the only reason i am on my blog now is because i have 1 hour to waste =] niweas im pretty tired. Fridays are always long and draggy but its also good that its friday coz theres YOUTH =] WOHOOO! and im always pumped for youth ! YAYYYYY
niweas i just off the phone with a lovable pooface =P and because i was screaming at the top of my lungs, my head kinda hurts abit.. just abit >____<
Oh dear i just realized that my exams are coming soon.... thats right... study. i should be studying now. whoops? =P hehehe oh wells i need a breakk. I have decided that after the exams im going to go crazy and go to unitdstylez like every 2nd day and enjoyyyy my arse offff =] thats the only reason im studying so hardddd so that i can tell myself i deserve a reward and treat myself to unitdstylez! hehehhee

OOOO song of the day for me is MISS INDEPENDENT!
CHRIS BROWN IS SUCH AN AWESOME ARTIST I LOVE HIM!
HIS SONGS MAKE ME GO HIGH ! HEHEHE

alriteeeee thats it for nowwwww.

2008-10-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Its a quiet sunday and im stuck at home. My house is filled with a scary type of silence that usually doesnt come about. My dads out somewhere and mums cooking lunch at this hour...(2pm) yep.
She's not talking and neither is he. Whats wrong i ask? but no one replies. Im scared because i rather hear some shouting then allow silence to fill the house.
And finally i realize that we're at the last stage of a freakishly familiar continuous dreadful cycle.
He comes back, things are great... untill he's just about to go back... something will happen... usually a fight... the only variable in this cycle is "with whom?" he'll have a fight with.
Maybe its just part of him that feels the need to let out his frustrations all in one shot.
Or maybe its just the thought of having to go away that leaves him in a bad irritable mood.
I need some fresh air. I need to study but i cant concentrate. I'm famished but i'm about to loose my appetite.
To me this is only a house not a home. Its made of wood and concrete and all sorts of material. It has a shelter under which i have a comfortable place to sleep. But sometimes i wonder if thats all it is. A house.

Sabbath day =P

2008-10-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

I attended planet shakers church in the morning and man i was really inspired and i really loved the worship there coz its just so strong. Although there was no sermon, the 2 hours went by so quickly and before i knew it, the service had finished ! that was how good it was.

After the service, bryan and i went to maccas to get lunch and waited for my parents to come pick us up since it was 28 degrees outside T__T [ and damn it still is...] Parents took a detour to victoria market and brought bryan along as well since he hasnt been there. Got some of the FAMOUS American Jam doughnuts [ mmmm very satisfying] whilst shopping for my parent's stuff.

Yep and thats been my day so far. Niweas I should go and do some work... Just realised that tomorrow is MONDAY T___T start of another week. damn it.

2008-10-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

Oh noo! im back here again! i think i am developing an addiction for blogging 0.0

damn it. truth is im just running away from my accounting work thats waiting for me on the other side of the table! *glares at the book n hides behind computer screen*
i cant help it, its making me fall asleep. Tried doing one question but iFAILED miserably... not even 1 QUESTION T_T yup. Thats my saturday and its gone, just like that. what a waste eh? Well not really considering that i spent the earlier half of the day on the computer youtubing and blogging n i duno what else.. ?=D And the afternoon hours sitting in the sun [pretending to be] working on some accounting questions.... ok it was a waste of time.

Oh yeh that reminds me now! i wanted to blog about this lady at the dim sum place - taipan.

Waitress: halo. wan anymo dum-pings? 'Pok' 'Dumpings', 'chicken' 'dumpings', 'porn' 'dumpings'
... 'dumpings?' ... hmm as in dumping- poop? ...wait a minute OH I GET IT NOW... T___T
its ANYMORE - PORK DUMPLINGS , chicken DUMPLINGS, PRAWN dumplings...
Lol yep. that was it.

2008-10-10T16:40:00.000-07:00

'Sometimes when we touch'
-Dan Hill-

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

That song isss sooo awesome that its been stuck in my head since the start of this week! =] i love it! So OLD but so GOOD
It makes me think about alot of things and i guess the lyrics really got to me >__<

its 10.45 am now and im meant to be doing my accounting revision =] Considering the fact that my accoutning exam is just round the corner... i suspect my brain has not registered that yet since im totally not stressing or freaking out about it or else i would studying right this moment- not blogging.
Whats the term for this thing again? oh yeh procrastination and lack of motivation ! Maybe its coz im too happy today for some reason. Hmmmm i wonder what im happy about. niweas im off to do some other 'less waste of time' things =] as dad always tells me to
be bak tonite with more of the latest news

2008-10-10T04:34:00.000-07:00

Well todays a little different. Something happened and i feel so good now its totally unbelievable.

About my previous post, how humans were so complicated that half the time they dont speak my mind. Well guess who did today. Me !
After it all happened, I felt as if someone had come and lifted the 1098765432 kg load of my shoulders. To me this was the first time i've ever told someone the most deepest most innest thoughts and feelings with utmost honesty.
I don't mean that i lie half the time, what I mean is that during D&Ms ppl would talk out their thoughts and feelings yeh sure.. but those would have only probably been the surface or only half way in. Its completely natural since sometimes saying certain things without considering the outcome of it, could accidentally hurt someone and most of the time people hold back. Sometimes I dont want to admit something because i feel ashamed or shy about it but this time i took up the courage and said it out. Something i've never admitted to anyone before, in my entire life. Gosh i Felt so relieved.
I just feel so good now that all my stress and frustrations have turned into happiness and happy thoughts. I really want to thank god that he provided me the companion to tell it to and the courage to say it. Thanks ben <3 for ur understanding and Boy does it feel good. [and im sorry too... once again i guess since i've said it just now]

Niweas im off to watch Eight under now. LOVE THE DOGS! THEIR SO ADORABLE I FEEL LIKE CUDDLING A SNOW DOG NOW ![ wait wads that breed of dogs called? ] hmmmm

2008-10-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before?

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you's impossible to find

You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another dayI swear it's true

Because a girl like you's impossible to find

It's impossible

So breathe in so deep

Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep

And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you's impossible to find

Tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you's impossible to find

You're impossible to find...

This is the song of the week for me and im totally in love with it =]

During the 6 or so.. hours that i was in school, something bugged me for quite awhile.

Why is it that humans [ me and you ] get so complicated at times that for a split second i even had the idea that a robots are better off than us? i mean ROBOTS VS HUMANS ....hmmm that would be interesting to see the world be taken over by an army of robotic or [closer to the human species] Bionic 'people'... but thats not the point. My point is that sometimes i wish that people would learn to just speak whats on their mind. Either say it or dont say it.

theres no in between. At least not for me. And i totally cant stand it when someone argues for the sake of argueing.. i mean if the other person is saying something completely possible, why argue? why say that it is not right when thats only what you think? whats the point of saying 'thats just stupid'. i mean stupid comes across as an insult in times like these. Sometimes it may even hurt the other person's feelings. And who knows.. it might just leave the other person thinking that its just better off not talking in the future. Is that really that hard to accept a different opinion or a different view to certain issues?

Ok dad's back, i should get going soon...

Gee the day doesnt get any better does it? Dad comes home n yells his head of at me. Totally love it when he does that.. NOT. Seriously, anger management issues much? Its not as if i stood there with a sign saying SCOLD ME YAY T__T

ARGHHH i had a tiring day at school, enough to totally wear me out and i SO DO NOT NEED THIS FROM HIM. WHich reminds me... what was the reason that he raged at me [the moment he stepped in] again? Oh yeh... thats right its something called NO REASON I JUST FEEL LIKE IT =___=. Hate it. hate it so much. alright now im going to lock myself up in the room so i dont have to face him or his BIG ISSUE with controlling his temper and the random fits that he just LOVEs to chuck at me.

Im going.

2008-10-08T03:06:00.000-07:00

Ok this post is just to let out my frustration and the fact that i am officially in a state of depression... it is certain that my ear hole has closed - AGAIN..-
I cant believe it... this is the 3rd time its closed on me! Why is my ear so freaking sensitive! ARGH The prospect of me having to pierce my ear and go through all that pain once more is totally pleasing. NOT !
Lets see why is that? .. oh yeh thats right coz it hurts like CRAZY! and it has to get infected like 20 billion times before it settles and becomes a normal ear hole...

ARGHHHH ='[

2008-10-07T21:57:00.000-07:00

Ohhh dearrr.... not good... im pmsing full on now - worst of all I KNOW IT ! =___=! Its not as if i havent started taking the pre menstrual stress medicine [which by the way are the hugest tablest i've ever seen in my life =___=] i've been provided with --courtesy of my mum so she doesnt have to see me stomp around the house like an angry bull ...
yess thats me... actually that was me just an hour ago. If this makes sense, i HATE getting annoyed but i cant help it ! Especially when its 'the' time of the month T__T gosh someone help meeee. Has all my tablet swallowing gone to waste? i mean those huge primrose oil tablets were like gianormous... give me some credit or at least make me less irritable... actually im even considering increasing my dosage to 2 tablets [ im so going to choke]

Ok mum just interrupted me and told me how expensive my phone bill for the last month was. Lets see... 50 bucks... ehehe...*ouch* $_$ I guess there is one consolation to it though, considering the fact that it had gone down by about 10 bucks from last month! WHEE! I'm so going to get banned from my phone one day... Hopefully not anytime soon so i can keep talking to ben on the phone for the next 18 months...[oh wait.. its 14 months! NOOOO] before he goes to back permanantly for army... =[ Cant wait to see what my phone bill will be like after he leaves... im anticipating round about $0.00 ? since most of my calls are to him and the rest of the minor ones would probably fit into my allowance from my plan, which is [i assume] 20 bucks?
Hopefully this month's phone bill will continue to go down - just like the global market!
WHEE im actually managing to apply economics to my phone bill, not that it makes any sense whatsoever.
Economics is the most BORING subject ever and of course it is the subject in which i dread THE most -Just too much for my puiny little brain to take [thats if i have one haha] To top it off, i'm stuck with economics next year! WOHOO! exciting isnt it? -SO NOT- Somehow my brain went crazy and directed my hand to click on economics when making my subject choices. *notes to self, blame me brain* yepps

OH NO! i just remembered i've got lyk 76543456787654349 exercises of maths i've to catch up on [ which btw have like 976567897678987678976787678 questions per exercise]
btw did i mention that lazy ppl are poops =P
laterzzzz

First day back

2008-10-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

=P here i am back with an urge to blog about my 'most' (cough) eventful day of my life !
RETURNING TO SCHOOL =] FIRST DAY BACK! WOHOO! exciting isnt it?
no not really - especially when it consists of having to wake up at 7.30 am (i noe i cant compare to those who wake up at 5am, but still!) and taking a freezing cold shower to wake myself up and be ready for school. ONly to go to school and be caught in the rain! *yay* jumps around T__T-
yep exciting isnt it?
nehh but the good thing was, i was determined to make it a good start! and be pumped for all my subjects =] considering the fact that if i dont do so, the probability of my grades dropping to a C or D or even an F [due to my previous 3 terms of slacking] was 0.9999999 *recurring* =] Yep that was it...
but yeh talking abt school work and grades... a little reminder *to do chinese tuition hw for tmr* just poped up at the back of brain. and yes i will get my head around to attending that issue after i finish blogging =]
Anyways the day was pretty good=P best part of my school day was lunch and recess when yooodii and eunice and i got into some smelling addiction 0.0 (hard to explain) but yeh it was funnn as usual =P the random things we do makes my day=]

Hw for the day:
*URGENT* - Chinese tuition hw [because u have tuition tmr]
- includes: 2 listenings
1 Translation
1 comprehension worksheet (worth 10 pages)
*not so urgents*
-Methods Ex on circular funcs n graphs [ HATE GRAPHING but i'll get to it anyways]
-General Ex on Imaginary and real no.s =P sounds cool eh? not reallyT__T
-Chinese essay on living in my own hse? [what a weird topic]
-Accounting revision for exam + print out 98765432345678 pages of test papers and notes sent to my email ![ yes spam my email why dont u T__T]

Alrite i think i'll stop there ... its scary enough to have to complete all that in such a short period of time... someone HELP MEEEEE!!! SAVE ME!!!
*drops into a stack of hw and dies*

SINGAPORE DAY!

2008-10-04T05:33:00.000-07:00

hmmm lets see... how shld i describe today... *thinks hard*
OH THATS RIGHT, the word is AWESOME!
So i woke up at lyk 9 am? dragged my sleepy ass out of my comfy cosy warm bed and yes i actually managed to get to the shower without dropping on the ground n falling asleep =P
Dad suggested to leave house at 10, [as typical sgreans] so that we can "beat the crowd and get a head start compared to everyone else" [ but wait till we get there]
little did we know that there were about 2km worth of sgreans that had the same mentality as us and decided to do the exact same thing ! =]
great isnt it? hahaha anyways we joint the queue at the very end of the 2km long line T__T and waited in the hot morning sun...

-10 mins later-
Dad: "chin, screw this ! this is STUPID! look at the STUPID LINE! its not even MOVING!
i dont wana queue in this crazy line and look STUPID! ITs not worth it lahh. lets just go."
Me: *geez just how much does he love the word STUPID* "well cant we just wait?"
Dad: "neh this is just crazy. im going to see whats going on at the front of the line"
Dad: *walks up to the very front of the line and talks to one of the helpers controlling the queue* "hey! HAlo! eh whats going on!? Why isnt the queue moving har?!"
*i totally cant rmbr what the guy said to dad as i was too busy hiding my face and retreating backwards in embarrassment*

yes anwyays what matters is that i got my arse in there and enjoyed it like crazie =]
i loved the food the atmosphere, it just felt like singapore all over again! even the queing up and the squeezing and the typical sgrean way to get freebies! ahhh felt soo good! i miss singapore so bad!
My fav part .. well actually one of my Favs ... [coz everything was just so good] is the part where i got my photo with ALOYY!!!! [PCK's nephew *in the show*] AHHH I WAs like jumping up and down
AND OH OH! I MUST MENTION MEETING SARAH AND DAWN!!! the awesomest twins ever!!! my highschool buddies! mannn they've changed so much! HOT BABES as far as im concerned =P haha sometimes i wonder what 4 years can do to a person hahaha... seriously if not for joel, i wld have walked RIGHT PAST them and not notice a THING at all... i literally SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THEM! hahaha its just so much to digest, after not seeing them for 4 whole years! You know whats funny... the fact that they migrated to melbourne at the same time as me yet throughout these 4 years we've never met nor COINCIDENTALLY met At all! and of all places SINGAPORE DAY! hahaha man i'm so glad i didnt leave with my parents, or i wldnt have seen them there!
Yesss my parents totally ditched me for coffee with some friends... sad aint it? but oh wells i managed to cut the queue and get all the freebies and free food available =] i basically queued up twice for everything i cld =P hehehe its part of being sgrean! wohoo!

PICTURES SOON TO COME!!!! *tmr* when i get my head around to uploading the photos T___T

opinion on spanking children

2008-10-02T06:30:00.000-07:00

alrite this is my opinion on spanking children

Firstly i have to say it is not TOTALLY right or TOTALLY wrong... its in the 'grey' area.
Reason being, whether a child deserves a spanking varies with different conditions,
e.g.
what the child did to deserve a spanking
If the child reacts and learns from spankings? [ i mean if ur the parent you wld know whether ur child responds well to spankings, or if they will just end up hating you in the long run...]
etc...

basically what im trying to get at is that, if the child has committed something that calls for a spanking, give your kid the spanking but just not too hard n not OVERDONE, or you might create more trouble for urself.
it is also good to remember that kids going through puberty [norm aged 12 -16] are mostly rebellious and violence against them may influence the development of a nonviolent resorting character...
i mean we all know that hitting a child will only work up to a certain extend, once that "line" is crossed, thigns just turn bad. Feelings of Hurt, Hate, Anger etc will build up and these feelings are potentially harmful to parent-children relationships, Nevetherless i feel it really comes down to the judgement of the parents.
There is no right or wrong i guess ....

Does that help bryan??? i duno i was just typing whateva came to my mind lol but yeh =P

2008-09-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

alrite this post is a couple of days late so yehh

niweas on saturday, i headed to the city with liz and michelle totally excited about the Our backyard crew performance... only to find out that it was on SUNDAY!!!!! =[ how sadd

so we decided to make ourselves happy by doing some "window" shopping...

well which didnt turn out as "window" as we meant for it to be...

we ended up doing actual shopping T__T i spent 15 bucks on this really nice dress (below)

yes yes im very happy with myself =]

then we decided to go eat some dumplinggss...

... *glares at* "Camy's Shanghai Dumplings " (this alley way restaurant)

i had high hopes for some good dumplings seeing as i've had a craving for them for quite some time...

however i hate to say it.. but that place was a complete dissapointment! the dumplings and the redbean paste thingo that we thought wld be nice, turned out to be the exact opposite... one plate of 16 dumplings costed 6 something. T___T no wonder.... it was cheap and bad...

it was just disatisfying and my crave turned into sickness when i reached home.

i felt like puking when i got home and ended up taking a nap for the rest of the afternoon, in an attempt to sleep the disgusting-ness off...

*note to self... never eat dumplings from alley way restaurants... *

2008-09-04T23:18:00.001-07:00

is it possible that one can become stupider? or if im even making any sense at all... dumber? if you ask me, my initial answer would be BS ! as if you can become "dumber" or "stupider" over a couple of months!
but now... i guess i gotta change that answer... coz the impossible is happening to me!!! i feel as though im getting stupider by the day. my grades are getting worse and worse and i feel almost helpless not being able to do anything to stop myself from becoming stupider=___="

am i making sense?

alrite let me illustrate by giving an examples....

my accounting ICT outcome at the start of the week was alright till i realised (after i walked out of the room) that i made many careless mistakes! *there goes my A+*

by right i should be acing my chinese outcomes seeing as im in beginnners but i totally screwed my most recent chinese outcome that was a couple of days ago! that feeling of dissappointment in oneself is totally depressing! i knew how to do those questions but i just didnt apply... ARGHHH

and then methods outcome today... i knew how to do all the questions i just made so many careless mistakes T_______T ARGHHH so i screwed this one up too!

IM SCREWING UP EVERYTHING! every outcome in the last 1 week turned out BAD BAD BAD! i just wished there was a way to make myself smarter and more alert when im doing questions so i dont lose out to my own careless mistakes!

im just so dissappointed in myself *sigh*

mixed up

2008-09-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

today's weather was amazing! lunch break was so fun being able to run around in circles stalking eunice and julia=] (i have to sayyy....u guys were pretty pro at running away from judi n me) heheh but unfortunately judi and i were smarterrrr =] HEHEHE [although u scared me at ass] T___T"

niweas on with the happenings of today.
its so ironic how i got this same passage from my chinese tuition teacher that was on the outcome today... and coincidentally It so happens i was ABOUT to do it the night before but i decided that i cbb =___= there you go... i can almost see the grade i'll get for this outcome.. C or a B maybe?? =___= crappp somethings wrong with me! im slacking in everything! the word motivation no longer exists in my world! HELP MEE!!!
self awareness of my slacking attitude is not helping at all T__T its bad i noe.. but fact is i hav an app task tmr n by right i SHOULD be studying for it... but hmm reminds me.. why am i not? oh yeh thats right... im being a slacker...
half the time i tell my friends "DONT SLACK ! MOTIVATE URSELF! DO SOME WORK! =D" and within the next second im off day dreaming or socialising in class =] thats me alright =]

alrite enough abt sch ! on to work at grill'd !
today was pretty fun seeing as i FINALLY made some improvement at cooking the chips and i got 1 COMPLIMENT FOR IT ! my gosh the sense of satisfaction (although my palms and thumbs were scalded with hot chip oilT__T) was COMPLETELY SENSATIONAL... but it died down after awhile i guess... and in no time i was feeling the pain of hot oil burning on my hands =__= I WOULD have washed it off but somehow all the orders came at 1 go leaving me with hardly a second to even take a breath. *thats how busy it was*
+ note to self!+ get some gloves before you start....

all in all it was a satisfying day i guess =]

hmmm maybe i shld go study for my outcome tmr ... *yawnss* i feel tired already =] hehehe

alrite thats the end of it !
im off to planet xc =]
laterz

back in sg!

2008-09-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLLL!! I MISS U SO MUCH!!!!!!
I RMBRED UR BIRTHDAY! HEHEHEE

*sending back 10000000tonnes of LOVE back to sg just for u!*

P.S. RMBR TO TELL ME IF U WANT ANYTHING K! =] HEHEHE

<333333 XC

keeping up

2008-09-01T01:34:00.001-07:00

Gosh .. i have to say i really give it up to all those [LIZ is particular] who can continuosly update their blogs every single day!!! Mann i seem to have a short term memory loss problem... like seriously... i keep forgetting every couple of days that i doo own a blog page... and then after a few days i'll somehow randomly rmbr ... OH YEAH... thats right... i have a blog.. =__=" damn it

niwaes i am blogging atm due to an over exhausting monday and a crazily aching right hand from all the writing i've been doing in the last 2 hours since my computer decided to crash on me just when i needed it the most! [i'm using my mum's comp atm] ROARRR bloody trojan spyware crap ... why my computer!? its bad enough i have an ICT acc outcome tmr n i have no bloody idea what its abt and how to work excel =__= [ i noe thats stupid but i really don't... ] i am sooo screwed!
well all i can say is technology should never be trusted >=| they are evil little computerised monsters that purposely fail you just when you need them the most!
BUT i shall not be defeated by their EVIL little scheme to ruin my revision for my outcome tmr! >=} I WILL improvise... [... alrite i'm not sure how atm... but I WILL]....
and i shall prove those complicated evil lil monsters what i'm made off and that i don't need to rely on them for anything ! =]

*takes a breath* phew now i feel so much better hehehe

anyways for the time being i guess i'll just have to hand write everything and get used to being technology free for a couple of weeks since my dad has decided to either send it back to singapore for repair or some Dell outlet in melbourne....

ok moving on....
today being monday is the most dreadful day of the week, however theres only 1 thing to look foward to .. and that is tmr's BHS- SYTYCD comp !!!!!!! WOOHOOO i'm pretty excited knowing theres gonna be krumping, popping, hip hop and breaking all by ppl i know =]
josh - krumping
popping - jesse
hip hop - Nun bitt
breaking- Gin
hehehe pretty exciting ! i cant wait to see what they've prepared and who wins in the end !!! WOHOOO anyways i'm off to dinner now
-fried kranskys and noodles--*YUMMYY*-

i know who holds tomorrow...

2008-08-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

'at the edge'

2008-08-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

i'm on the edge of it...
why cant she say something good or something that is ANTI depressing... sometimes i feel like being nice to her, but yet its so hard when she does what she does! i mean yeahhh i shldnt forget all the things she's done for me but she doesnt have to dump all her frustrations on me !!!
FAR OUTTT! i really dont know how long more i can take it !!! everytime we sit down together for a meal, its always ABT HER !!! its ALWAYS abt how she is feeling depressed... how she cant take it anymore etc etc but sometimes it makes me wonder ... "do you ever consider the fact that ppl around u ... JUST MIGHT have their own problems too?" and that "when someones trying to keep happy... you dont just go around and tell them depressing things to push them off the edge?"

i just want a break. maybe if she cld just NOT say anything that will push me off the edge for 1 MEAL... i wld be so friggin happy...

so this is my dilemma ... [cant believe i'm back to this]

i wana tell her that i cant take it anymore... because every time she starts on one of those depressing problems.. i jus feel like bursting into anger ... or running away from it, from her... yet i cant bring myself to do it..coz she's my mum... ARGHHH ..... so guess wad happens.... it goes one big round and ends up inside of me ...each time that happens... i get more and more frustrated... each time that happens.. it adds to my burdens...
each time that happens... i juz feel lyk im closing in on the edge...
i'm gonna fall off soon.

i dont wana hurt her but i dont wana have to take all the burdens...
i like being happy... i like feeling light
i just cant help it , i know im being selfish
and i dont like having to be selfish
but i'm not willing to be depressed 24/7...

so what am i to do??
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fell off the edge today...
---------------

but i still cant bring myself to tell her all this...
i think i'll just live the depressing times in quietness...
coz i trust that god will be there to catch me when i fall off the edge once again...
he'll never quit... and so i'll learn to take it in...

Looks can be decieving

2008-08-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

You may say to someone that you envy them.. but maybe that specific thing that you envy them for is exactly what their short of... maybe things are not what they seem on the outside...
theres always that Maybe~
reality is to know a person truly well, one has to be observant... remembering each little motion or way the other person does something.
If you wanna put it to the test.. heres a way to find out

1- Pick someone you think you know truly well
2- write a paragraph on that person and in that paragraph include everything- every little detail abt him or her that you can think of, that others might not realize or know abt...[e.g. habits... fav food...most hated color... fav shop to go to...fav snack etc]

... If you cant think of much to say then... think again... coz its a high chance you don't know that person as well as you think you do...

=] try it !!! at least it tells the truth.

dilemma

2008-08-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

Is it juz me being indecisive.. or is it really that hard to make a decision!??? I absolutely cannot stand having to make a choice between *good* or *good*...i mean who wants to have to choose between 2 good things when the best choice is to have the best or BOTH WORLDS... .which of course... in real life does not exist 99.99999% of the time...
but.. but.. there is still that 0.000009 *recurring* % ... so can i have it ??

i wished there was a see saw to weigh ALL the pros and cons for me so that i don't have to take so much into consideration and make a choice and stick with it!... but really it comes down to being afraid of regret after making that choice... HELPP ~

its my dilemma ...

left or right?

1st or 2nd?

yes or no?

Uni acc or Economics?

specialist maths or Uni acc?

Economics or specialist maths?

HELPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

laterz
*gone to take a breath*

2008-08-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

It sure feels good to be back on planet earth ... from a hectic ass 3 weeks! life has been full and BUSY ... thats why i didnt blog.... T__T actually truth is i forgot i had a blog.. till a couple of days ago!!!
BUT anyways!!! These 3 weeks has been pretty different.. i've had real good times but through it all i figured something out and here it is.
Its not hard to be selfless yet its so easy to be selfish and in these passing weeks i've realized that i am actually VERY self centered.. in a way that alot of the times my friends are always there to support me but [if it makes sense] i hardly swap places with them. it took me alot of courage to admit and very little observation to realize i was doing it to the ppl i really and truly treasure around me... and i'm sorry guys if u've ever felt that way abt me. i'll try to change but i guess it'll take sometime...

anyways on with life... i've had 3 outcomes in the last week and 3 more to go ... it sucks but i guess one good point is that once this week is over =] i'm closer to the holidays ! WHEEEEE
alrite time to get back to studying=.-

2008-07-26T22:41:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didnt ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl
Then Id unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
Id hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
Thats what Id do, with one more day with you

Last night was a pretty good night. Instead of going to one of my family friend's house, i stayed home and spent some real quality time with my mum. We baked and sung and danced in the kitchen. That was one hell of a time. And out of the blue i juz realised, how time flies with age. It was only yesterday that i was holding her hand wherever i went. Now my wings are taking me further and further away from that day. I grew up and she grew older. The wrinkles and white strands of hair appearing randomly on her head are hints that she's beginning the race against time like everyone else of her age. Even though i do wonder what i'll look like when i get to her age, i have a gut feeling i'll be an exact duplicate of her coz we are juz so alike in our habits, our thoughts, our characters and our aim in life etc. I juz love her so much =] even though she can be annoying sometimes... maybe even 24/7 Hehehe =P

alrite... Moving on!
Today started out greattt =] i woke up at 9.30 and did the usual getting ready makeup etc, and went to church. Was on worship today and i guess aunty susan's message to us (the worship team) during our devotional time before service, was really encouraging. She told us to trust in the lord in everything coz he loves us and will be with us if we give the worship up to him. So i guess we did pretty well for worship and that was the only good thing today i guess.

If you want u can take a guess at the title of this song =P

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

2008-07-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

Niweas i have came to the conclusion that SALT AND SATURATED FAT LEAD U TO THE MOST UNPLEASANT TIMELY DEATH! after watching the most GRUESOME disgusting )(*&^%$#@!@#$% program... of which a 25 stone man is DISSECTED by a team of experts.. *faints*
Looking at all that fat in the man's tummy, the thickness of it when it was cut up ... honestly it was no different to that of a pork belly! ok those of you who like pork belly, you're gonna hate me for this but its true! And worst of all his diaphragm was in the most ABSURD place anyone would have even imagined... it was in line with his nipples! zomgoshhh ...
But WAIT! theres more....
DUE to the movement of his diaphragm all the way up there... his organs have been squashed all the way up there too. his lungs were pretty much at the bottom of his neck, his heart was filled with white fatty tissues and was twice the avg size a heart shld be. His lungs were much smaller than a normal lung and his liver and kidneys were all lost in the LAYERS OF FAT SURROUNDING HIS ORGANS!!!!!!!! SHld i keep going? Hmm mayb not, i think i'll juz make sure i tell the last part. Well the expert who dissected this 25 stone [140+ kg] man, considered this man to have died because of heart failure [ lol no surprise there!] and concluded that the man pretty much " Ate himself to death " ....

2008-07-13T00:46:00.000-07:00

Oh nooo schools on tmr !!!!!!!>____<
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
zoomg
*FAINTS*

Is it really worth it to give your love to someone who doesnt even give a shit all abt you? Hmmm lemme think.... i thinkNOT ... So what if you used to be best friends or shared all your secrets or were like sisters? what matters now is that was history and you doing all that for her is just wasting your own time, tears, effort and energy. Save your own energy otherwise soon you'll end up in a dead knot and feel totally wasted. Coz truth is... no matter how much you wish its not true... people like her are never gonna change. They hold grudges, store hatred and have no love. They only think about themselves, everything should revolve around them and they'll never give in during a fight. They always think their right, their never in the wrong. They refuse to say sorry and always blame somebody else for their mistakes. Would it really be of any use to hope that she will change? i doubt so. Its easy to say, why doesn't god do anything about it? Honestly, even i dont know the answer to that question too. Maybe he has a plan? Maybe its test of faith? but whatever it is i cant hold on any longer, i'm losing it already.

1st day at grill'd

2008-07-10T01:15:00.000-07:00

damn righttt its my first day of my new job=] started off at 12 and made a few mistakes but since i have an awesome brain [cough] i managed to get a hang of the whole working at the till and the touch screen register thingo [well at least i think so]
*note to liz* when u saw me dropping everything on the floor=___= i wasnt a master of the register YET so yehh... it was only awhile after u left that i stopped making mistakes!
alrite so here was the highlight of my work ... i got scolded by some cranky picky as lady!

xc: HI HOW CAN I HELP U TODAY?
lady: YEs give me.. @#$%^&*%$@% etc...
xc: alrite that will be 11.50 thanx
lady: *gives 20 bucks and 50 cent coin*
xc: [being new at the till] keyed in the wrong amount received. instead of keying in 20.50 i keyed in 20 bucks =__=
xc: hey im sorry i keyed in 20 bucks so *tried to give back the 50 cent coin*
lady: WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? CANT U JUZ GIVE ME 10 BUCKS CHANGE! DID U DO YEAR 12 MATHS !???
xc: [note to self* >=| GRRRRRR IMMA KICK UR ASS MISSY] actually dw abt it! sorry abt that !
lady: GEEZ

thinks* SCREW U LADY! IM A YEAR 11 alrite... n plus IF U HAD ANY KNOWLEDGE YEAR 12 MATHS DOESNT CONSIST OF 20 - 9.50 and knowing how to operate the stooopid tills! *GRRR

but anyways !!! apart from that 1 moment! EVERYTHING ELSE WAS AWESOME!! I LOVED TH joB! BUT IM totally RUN OUT AND TIREDDD!!!! my LEGS are lyk gonna snap in half!
=] SOMEONE DONATE ME A PAIR OF CARVES =] THXOK BYE =]

2008-07-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE WONDERFUL WISHES AND BIRTHDAY CARDS AND GIFTS AND REMEMBERING MY BIRTHDAY !=] Ben Jess Eunice Judy Liz Lina tanya and you guys know who you areeee lah=] HEHE <33
Alrite well before i begin my reflection on the past 16 years? wait 15? [shhs I CAN COUNT] of my life... let me just warn u, its gonna be a long one, so if ur not ready to sit tight then close this page right now =]

Anyways.. on with it ! In the last 16 years, i've been through the typical teenage years of rebellion and now i can definitely say that boyy am i glad that its almost over! Honestly, i cant rmbr when i learnt how to tell lies or when i learnt how to fight back and speak my mind, or when i started to drift away from this family. But i one thing for sure was that this begun not that long ago, probably during my recent years in Melbourne i guess... Coming here was this huge step that we as a family had to take together. But living here was a whole different story. Throughout those times, there were those real good times where i felt like i was standing at the peak of the highest mountain ever, and also those bad times where life felt like i was on this downward spiral that ended in this massive ditch [ like those quick sands] which would suck you in faster the more you struggled.
And recently i lost the one thing i found when i came here and that was this amazing faith in God . I lost it because i gave in to anger and rage and lost a relationship that meant the world to me. So why couldn't sorry do the trick? well heres how it works, i figured that some things in life can't be mended with just a word of "sorry", somethings.. like a broken heart or a disagreement that turned into feud and hatred... And now that i look back, all i can say is [with regret] that i wished none of it had happened. i wished i hadn't lost my temper and i wish i hadn't lost control of my rationality and i wish i hadn't used those bad words on you. I was so foolish as to unconsciously blame God for all the wrongs in my life but now i thank god, that through these difficult times i learnt to really listen to his word and search for him. I learnt that only through prayer, the impossible becomes possible. And of course i couldnt have done this without the encouragement and support from my a few special ppl. In particular, Ben and Eunice for the ENDLESS support and encouragement that they gave me. I love you guys to bits and pieces<3 Even though the other things i have gained along the way will never replace the relationship [ i lost] that i screwed up, you learn to look on the bright side to everything and just live with hope and learn that not everything in life will do your way... most importantly i learn't the true meaning that God has a reason for EVERYTHING.

Well today something strange happened. In the morning i read my devotion book as usual, and the message was to encourage one another in faith and so coincidentally i received encouragement from the one person who knew me inside out =] and that was "youuu" [Ben.H] ! I gotta say you picked the right verse [whether by accident or not] i wont forget that verse from Deuteronomy especially in times when i find it hard to cope=] Btw man i gotta say im pretty impressed even though the my eyes went blind from reading your hand writing! [i couldnt read a few words... ok maybe a paragraph HAHA jks jks] BUT i could tell it was really from your heart and i appreciate that. I'll be sure to make FULL use of the 24 /7 service and just in reply of your question ... im up for 2 years FOSHOO BROO! ANYTIMEEE Yall ! HEHEHE and lastly thanks for the whole bf/bf thingo ! [ you noe wad i mean lah] so.. BFFL yea yea?

*Judy* Ehh girll thanks for you AWESOME AS CARD ! EVen though this doesn't happen in the book of TIN TIN ... [who caresss] TINTIN LOVES SNOWY HIS [her] FAV MOST FAITHFUL COMPANION TILL THE ENDD! WOOHOOOO =]<3333333 p.s. Snowy is on my bed now =] WInk wink*

*jess* EHH girll=] man the sleepover was the BESTTT and THANK YOU for the awesome fireworks !!! and the cake !!! [why dont u go be a baker?HEHHE ] we Have to do another sleepover K!
<3333

ok i needa go now =___= i've officially spent 2 hours on blogging ... [NOTE TO SELF* NOT GOOD] T__T

2008-07-07T03:19:00.000-07:00

Devotion and reflection...

"Loving God means obeying his commands. And God's
commands are not too hard for us,"
" because everyone who is a child of God conquers the world.
And this is the victory that conquers the world - Our faith"

1 John 5:3-4

LIFE should never be too hard for us unless we disobey god i guess. If you look back and realize that your life hasn't really been all that smooth then maybe something is wrong with your lifestyle. Review it and figure out what has been wrong. Usually its the sins that give you all the pleasure in the world for a split second before you come crashing down into a ditch. Make a list of the things that you have chosen to do that were wrong...for me...i could probably come up with a MILLION things on my list. Well all i can say is that it sure is hard to resist temptations but with this verse, i'm sure that if i trust in the lord he will not let temptation overcome me! and thats the power of his unconditional great love for us.

ALRITEEYY Noww time for my highlights of today!
I ACCOMPLISHED the great mission of the day ! and that was to COMB the whole of DFO and The Basement and any other shops along the way!!!! n my gosh i combed them alritee... just that i ended up with a gazillion and one blisters on my feet! That wasnt as bad... What was bad was running for the friggin bus and POPPING ALL MY BLISTERS +__________________+ OMGOSHHHH they hurt lyk CRAZIEEE.
niweas it was all worth it! i bought 2 tops and a skirt for 10 bucks?? [ well that was coz 1 shirt was a gift from ben ^_^ ] HEHE but hey heyy! pretty good i guess.. 10 bucks for 3 things =] im pretty satisfied i have to say !

AND my mission begins =] 1.30 pm

a FAILed attempt to change style ...
stupid high waist skirt ! >=|

Attempt no. 2 to change style =]
~$10 Jeans skirt ! [BOUGHT]

THe black top came for free with the purchased skirt =]

and the top on the right came from valley girl! 25 bucks=]

hmm so all in all i spent 10 bucks?

now i can officially say

WOHOO! YAYAYAY!
after approximately 5 hours of walking =_=
and blister -rizing both my feet collecting abt 5 blisters?
and popping most of them =__=

But wait... what do we have here? HMM i guess im not the only one who felt the pain on those
poor feet ! [ this is ben trying to walk normal after a failed attempt to con the bubble cup ppl]

Being sooo drained from the day's mission =__= i HAD to buy Mrs fields cookies to regain some energy and give my fuel tank a refill=]

ALrite enough abt the day =] time to go do some workkK!
byee guys!

2008-07-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

Pics from sleepover !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-06T01:48:00.001-07:00

ever wondered if its real coincidence, or did god plan it that way? so happens that todays message from pastor Ray was abt the devotional life of christ. And this is somewhat of a coincidence or shall i say plan by god since i'm currently struggling with my daily devotion. To me time is never enough... sometimes i even wished that there preferably 36 hours in a day? but helloooo reality check! we only have 24 hours in a day... gee come to think of it, thats really really little.
So heres how it goes, 9 hours for sleeping [ standard ] + 5 hours for eating shitting showering n those stuff + 6 hours for school + 2 hours for travelling + 2 hours of ???? devotion?? hmmm why not? but how is it that somehow we will always find something to fill up those 2 hours of our "left over" time? In my case ... it wld be more lyk 2 hours for TV and MSN =___= so after hearing abt the GREAT DEVOTIONAL LIFE CHRIST had ... i was totally guilty! but lucky for me he is a forgiving god =] so i have officially decided to do something [ i duno wad yett] with my HORRIBLY PACKED life style and commit sometime every morning to god=] before i do ANYTHING else !

alrite now im gonna go on facebook cya laterzzz

Birthday celebration =]

2008-07-05T03:02:00.000-07:00

i hav came to the conclusion that i need more sleepovers =] they are times when u juz get to sit down with ur girlies n have a heart to heart ! whether it is chucking pillows at each other or rolling of the bed onto one another or climbing on top of each other... this indeed is the best time to bond. Hmm i guess up till now i havent actually realised how important it is to bond with ur girlies, because only then u'll see who they really are and slowly u'll start to see how they will play apart in ur life in the future. be it strong influence on ur actions or choices or character development, i guess they are the ones that quite often are left unnoticed till something goes wrong in ur life and u need a place to hide.
Let me tell you now that friendships are EXACTLY like relationships, the ups and downs, the love and care b/n 2 parties, the mutual agreement [usually unspoken of] to commit and to always be there for one another.... if one looks close enough, they are almost identical excluding the whole boy~girl attraction thingy. So treasure ur best friend as if u've fallen in love with her. Give her the amount of care, concern, love and availability as u would to a boy ur in love with. Treat her with respect and believe in her no matter what bad things u mite hear. Last of all, rmbr to do things that could constantly remind her of how much she means to u and how much u love her... And with all these, u'll find that someone who'll do exactly the same thing juz for u...

Niweasss ytd nite was a great nite n i loved it!
thanx jess for the sparkles and the fireworks and THE CAKE [gw for ur first attempt]!!!! WOOT =] it was yummy !!!
and thank you tanya and liz and everyone who came to my party =]

but most of all i wana say that ben thx for drawing DIM SIM on my cup and putting "ur butt" on my phone's wallpaper Lol!=_____= hehehe jks jks juz wana say dat u mean alot to me ! and thx for comin ytd nite!! ILY<33

alritee thats it for now !
time to continue cleaning up my room !!!!
cya guys!

2008-07-02T03:58:00.000-07:00

*this blog was a request by ***
LONG LONG TIME AGOOO =]

BEN IN YEAR 7

BEN IN YEAR 8

... SOON HE WENT FOR AN EXTREME MAKEOVER...
HE magically made those glasses dissappear
and that geeky look was goneee
=] and along came... DADDY DJ!

BEN IN YEAR 9

he was into bananas....0.o?

BEN IN YEAR 10

his natural pose LOL

UNFORTUNATELY... he is currently OVERLY OBSESSED WITH HIMSELF !!!!

THE ENDDD =]

2008-07-02T03:55:00.000-07:00

BEN IS A POOP =] AND HE IS GAY COZ HE LIKES PINK ! N SERIOUSLY WHO SAYS ZO MY GOSH +___+ IT JUZ AINT RIGHT